“D/s is much like a plug and outlet. The one getting things stuck into it is actually the source of all the power. ????”

— 1SadisticLover (via 1sadisticlover)

I am so not a Dom then!  I might talk big about D/S but as a non-Dom Daddy I see this completely differently!

I see D/Lg as a power exchange!  I see D/S that way too.  We start out 50/50.  We stay 50/50.

I compare it to ballroom dancing.  You give me the lead, and I take it.  But you don’t just go limp, right?  I actively make choices, and you just as actively follow them.  Sounds simple enough, right?

If we’re ballroom dancing and you don’t like how I’m leading you can sabotage or stop or even walk off the dance floor, right?  Same with D/Lg or D/S.

But here’s where the “you have all the power” thing breaks down.  If I don’t like the way you’re following I can walk off the dance floor too, can’t I?

If a lead dancer or a top can step away where does the follower’s “all the power” go?

If you’re not both contributing equally there’s no power at all.  If you are both contributing equally – if you’re exchanging power, duh! – then enough power’s created to put all the stars in the sky!

Going to push back a little on a big assumption behind “the one getting things stuck into is the source” part too. 

What happens to the “source of power” argument when she uses her mouth to edge him till he’s a writhing, whimpering, begging mess?   What happens to the “source of power” argument when a Dominant woman sticks her male Sub’s “plug” in her “socket” and rides the hell out of him? (Contrary to “femdom” tropes in porn, pegging isn’t all that common.)

Bottom line: I’m not a Dom though I played one for years.  But I still think Doms and Subs exchange power, 50/50.

Wow, someone took that seriously… I meant safe wording… lol. And basically the power to give the gift of submission or not.

Just to be clear I wasn’t singling out @1-sadistic-lover, a generally thoughtful and responsible top.  And as a hetero male top, I thought the analogy was hilarious!

But dad’splaining fairness is just one of the tragic side-effects of being both a dad and a Daddy, and consequently I’m all about making sure everybody gets their turn.  And that includes all the large numbers of perfectly legitimate folks who don’t fit the D/S, D/Lg stereotypes.

I get that Subs can use a safeword to a halt a scene, and that’s super important.  Though, again, it’s a common complaint in the Sub-o-Sphere that Doms will call a halt to scenes while the Sub is still raring to go… and they don’t even need a safeword to do it!  That would be yet another challenge the “subs have the power” paradigm.

Similarly, if you count up the number of Subs, Littles, and Masochists who lament not having a top, or don’t have a satisfactory one who doesn’t call a halt once they’ve gotten their own rocks off, I’m skeptical that “submission is a gift” is all that valid either.

Anyway, it was a good joke and good food for thought.