About dicks, for straight men

Quit stressing about it. According to The Hite Report (and countless follow up studies) a surprising number of women routinely masturbate by grinding against a fold or crease in their bedcovers.

A fold. In a sheet or blanket.

Something smaller than even the most micro of micropenises.

So don’t worry about your size.

Meanwhile, women can get off on a fold or crease in a sheet or blanket.

Something even less skilled and active than the least competent, clumsy man.

So don’t worry that you don’t know “enough.”

Frankly, objectively, she could wrap her fingers around your neck till you got an asphyxiation erection and get off while literally riding you to death. (Eww! And obviously not saying she would. Just saying fold or crease. Sheet or blanket.)

Morbid imagery notwithstanding, if she’s not getting off, chances are it’s not her. And it’s not your dick.

It’s you.

Instead, if your lover isn’t getting off with you, don’t think “if only my dick was bigger.”

Instead ask “how am I getting in her way?”