Aftercare & why it’s not only important but ESSENTIAL


What is aftercare:
      Aftercare is a form of providing comfort for your significant other, usually one who takes on the role of a submissive. It causes them to feel safe, and secure. It is a way to reduce the chance of Subdrop. Aftercare is common in the BDSM scene due to the intensity of the scenes or actions that take place. BUT it is also extremely important in the CGL community as well. 

    Using Aftercare after a punishment has been done is really important. It shows that while you had to punish them, you still love them! You still care about them and their needs and how they are feeling.

    It is also important to know that aftercare is needed by dominants as well, this is not something that is for subs only. Be aware of how your partner is doing before and after a scene or relationship experience. It’s important to be aware of these things to avoid a potential relationship damaging experience. 

     If you ignore subdrop or the needs of your partner, it is possible for them to lose interest. They will become distant. They lose their trust in you. They will begin to find less enjoyment in entering a scene or aspects of the relationship dynamic with you. 

Examples of Aftercare: 

  • Snuggling
  • Drawing them a bubble bath
  • Cuddles and a movie
  • Gentle caressing 
  • Just holding your partner
  • Giving them a bath
  • A massage
  • Using soothing lotions on bruises/marks
  • A short nap with your partner
  • Petting/soothing with words. (i.e. good girl/good boy/ you did so well)
  • Giving a treat (warm milk/tea/some goldfish, etc)
  • Brushing their hair
  • Watching a movie of your partner’s choice
  • Reading a book to them
  • Kissing their marks/bruises/wounds
  • Letting them know they’re safe
  • Wrapping them in their favorite blanket with their favorite stuffed animal
  • Ensuring their comfort item is within reach
  • Treating any potential injuries/wounds
  • Having a deep conversation/heart to heart
  • Reading them a story
  • Preparing a meal for you and them, ensuring they eat and hydrate
  • Answering questions they ask -remaining calm during it.
  • Ask how they are feeling and checking often
  • Validate them
  • Be emotionally available and understanding

For more information about aftercare check out these following links:

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All crucial advice but I’ve got one tiny quibble.  A lot of time “aftercare” is presented as though it was separate from the activities that preceded it.  I always invite people to rethink that.  

You’d have to have a pretty dull sex life to believe “foreplay” isn’t part of sex, right?  Of course you would.  “Foreplay” isn’t just integral to sex.  It is sex!

So’s “aftercare.”  Aftercare is still sex.

And for would-be Daddies, Doms, and for their partners who aren’t sure of the concept?  Let’s put it in selfish self-interested terms.  If you think “foreplay” isn’t part of sex, or that you can blow it off and go straight to Teh Fucking your partners aren’t going to be as interested in sex with you the next time.  Same with aftercare: you don’t do “aftercare” your partner’s not going to be as enthusiastic about a next time either.

With that out of the way let’s take another look at the impact on the top/dom/Daddy.  As I said earlier, you’ve got to be pretty dull not to have noticed that “foreplay” makes sex more enjoyable for men too.  Well.  Once you start looking you’ll notice that “aftercare” is also incredibly nice for men too.

No reason not to do it.  No reason not to get into it.  

Tip from an experienced older man: just because you’ve gotten your rocks off you’re not still having sex.