“Alphas” and “Betas” and bears, oh my. (Chances are there’s no place like home.)

Someone’s question: I don’t know why, but I’m attracted to older guys. I’ve been married nearly 3 years to a beta type gentle man. I wish he was more like you. What can I do?

My answer: I think we’re just attracted to who we’re attracted to.  The good news is your husband will become older and at some point he’ll be the perfect age for you.  And that really is good news as long as you mean “older” and not “always X years older than me.”

Even better news if you wish he was more like me?  I’m actually a fairly “beta” man who got permission to be dominant and assertive.  It took some convincing because of various indoctrinations ranging from church to parents to school to older role models to quite a few girl friends and girlfriends.  

But once I got over it I think I’m able to offer the best of both worlds.  I’ll listen to and care for a lover, but I’ll also spank her till her ass is pink and she’s dripping wet.

My answer to “What can I do” would be find a way to give him permission in a way that won’t freak him out right away.  He loves you, he cares for you, you turn him on, and while he wants to rock your world he’s understandably anxious not to rock the boat.  Based on my own experience, slow and steady definitely wins that race.  But it’s winnable.

The one thing that won’t work will be complaining, insulting, or otherwise running dismissing or demeaning him.  He’s your _partner_ for a reason.  Be _his_ partner.

Final note: based on 2nd and 3rd hand experience I pretty much guarantee that if you step out on him for a more “alpha” man (a concept I’m not particularly thrilled with by the way) you’ll a) lose your husband and also b) lose your “alpha.”  Because they rarely stick around just because you’re hungry for the only thing they can offer you that your husband doesn’t… yet.