Are there any other subs that just can’t do the no underwear/wear a plug in public? Tried the plug twice and the underwear once and all three times just caused me to be upset/embarrassed/sad/angry. It seems like such a simple thing but apparently it’s not.




So it doesn’t work for you! That’s no big deal. Sit down with your partner, talk out the feels and strategize on your next move.

Good luck! Ee

It always breaks my heart a little when people ask “is it just me/is it normal if I don’t like”.

No it’s not just you and yes it’s normal. Really.

Anon – it can be very unsettling/nerve-wracking/terrifying to go out in public without underwear – not in the ‘ooh that’s naughty but fun’ kind of way but in the truly threatening ‘oh my fucking god’ kind of way.

For a lot of people underwear makes them feel protected from the eyes and hands of other people (and many many other things).

Underwear is important. A lot of us as kids, were programmed to believe that only ‘bad’ people don’t wear underwear and in addition – that the state of our underwear correlates to our spiritual purity.

Which is utter bullshit of course, but these things go deep and often have a very big impact on our daily lives without us being aware of it.

Knickers are important to people.

They represent safety in a million different ways and so for a lot of people no knickers = not safe.

And unless you have done the work to deal with unhelpful beliefs and/or triggers – being told to go out in public without your knickers will be a shitty experience (pun not intended).

And make you angry and uncomfortable etc. Also it just might not be your thing.

But again – unless you have explored the experience and examined your feelings about these things you will not know.

It might be that you need to work up to feeling safe without underwear in public or it might be that it’s a real turn off.

Or any number of things in between.

The only way to know is to examine and explore your feelings and then communicate with your partner.

Here’s the really important thing though – you do not have to like it and you most certainly do not have to do it. For any reason or person.

You do need to understand yourself and your own needs and feelings.

You do need to be able to advocate for yourself and you deserve to be understood and treated well – by yourself and by others.

And remember: you are a unique individual with unique needs and wants – just like the rest of us and that is exactly how it’s supposed to be.

Only you can be you.

Good luck.

You be you anon. Every feeling you have is a valid feeling – it doesn’t make you any less submissive to not wish to do anything. I have my own list of “ain’t never gonna happens” – and a butt plug in public is on that list as well.

If it feels icky instead of naughty or sad instead of excited it wouldn’t matter even if it’s not normal not to like it! Boundaries are boundaries and hard limits are hard limits.