Being a man who enjoys controlling women, do you feel at all uncomfortable in the presence of a Domme? Obviously there is mutual respect, but there seems to be a stigma with male Doms that ladies are inferior on both mental and physical planes and therefore only men should Dom. Do you find a strong Domme imposing or threatening to your machismo?





I have never met a male Dom who even remotely entertained the idea that “ladies are inferior on both mental and physical planes and therefore only men should Dom.” I’m old fashioned and a bit of a relic in some respects, but I find that kind of thinking repugnant. And yes, I’ve known Dommes and consider a couple to be good friends. I’ve never felt they were imposing or threatening; my “machismo” is not some fragile, whisper-thin thing that can be shaken by a strong woman on either side of the slash.

Doms don’t think women are inferior. Misogynists do.

Yes, a Dom can be a misogynist, but it’s not their qualifying characteristic. Besides, I’d recommend caution. People who think other people are inferior have a tendency to exploit those they think of as inferior. Aka abusers.

There is a big difference between feeling superior to a woman and accepting responsibility for and control over a woman. I have never submitted to a Dom who wasn’t a staunch feminist. As I always say, we are two equal people who choose to live unequally because it’s how we express love and feel loved in return. You have to have power to exchange power. And while I may get off sometimes on misogyny and degradation, these are fantasy elements and have no place in the reality of my relationship. Any man who thinks he is entitled to my deference or submission can fuck right off.

P.S. Lady Dommes are ridiculously hot. Just wanted to add that.


OMG!  I’ll never forget reading someone theorizing, on an old, old kink forum, that a co-worker would be a perfect “femdom” sex worker because she genuinely, legitimately hated men.  Because, evidently, why else would someone be a sadist or Dom than because they hate not only their individual partners but their entire social and biological classes!

Neither BDSM kinksters nor sex workers on the forum were particularly forgiving of such a bone-headed, fucked up, backwards idea.

I won’t go as far as saying male Doms are all feminist, or that female Doms love and respect their partners because classifying people is perilous in the first place and it’s not strictly true in the second.  But compared to the general population few of them are misogynists or misandrists.  They express kinks with their partners because they, you know, are attracted to and love their partners!

Just gonna put it out there that there are going to be way more misogynists in vanilla relationships than not.  Not least because between culture, tradition, conservative religious practices, fetishization of “staying together for life,” and, of course, the serial abusers currently occupying the White House, misogynists have waaaay more support, acceptance, and enabling in their communities than they’re gonna get in any typical kink community.

Update #1: As for being actually comfortable around women Doms?  They’re not your Dom and she’s not yours then at worst you’re going to have a collegial relationship and at best you’ll have a serious partner in crime!

Update #2: Unless you also title a women doctor as “doctoress” and a woman orchestra leader a “conductoress” there’s really no need to call a woman who’s a Dom a “Domme,” is there?  To do otherwise would imply that was unusual for a woman to be Dominant, wouldn’t it???