Could you please give some tips for a Sadist and a masochist who are also a Daddy Dom and a little girl please? Daddy has a hard time being sadistic because he’s so caring.

dinodaddy:

That guilt is something that I used to have a hard time with. Understanding that a masochist has the need to receive pain in the same way as I have a need to give it helped me. Practice and good aftercare are key.

A couple of tips for nice Daddies who are also sadists, especially when their partners are good Littles who are also masochists.

#1: remember it’s a game you both like to play

#2: you know how when you’re feeding an actual child you might say things like “I know you don’t like beets but three just three more bites and you’ll be alllll done?”  With D/Lg rough play how about something like “ooh, that one was a big ouchie one wasn’t it?  Three more and Daddy’ll kiss it and make it alll better.”

#3: “I know it hurts but if you don’t keep counting Daddy’s going to stop.”

#4: For things like rubber band snaps ask where the next one ought to go.  If he’s reluctant a masochistic Little can say “I can I have the next one here, Daddy?”

#5: Everybody pull up their grown-up pants and talk about it.  Even better to talk about it when you’re not playing.  But let your Sadist know that you like feeling sore the next day, or you feel better if you can have a good cry, or say “I don’t sound like it of course but I really like it when…”  (Obviously don’t say things that aren’t true.  But have a real conversation about what you want, need, and/or enjoy as a masochist.)

#6: Especially with more reluctant sadists it’s good to let them know what your limits are.  Not because you’re afraid they’ll cross the line but so they’ll know how far they can go without crossing it.

#7: Sadists, Doms, and other tops need safewords too.  Remind him it’s not going to break your mood if he checks in.  (Well, unless it does break your mood, but if he communicates with vocabulary appropriate to your age in Little space, and makes it part of the Daddy patter, I bet it won’t.)

#8: Daddies need “aftercare” too (I don’t like that word because, really, winding down a part of a scene is by-definition still part of the scene!)  Promise him that he’ll get to cuddle you after and you’ll cuddle him too.

Note: We often say that the recipient needs “aftercare,” and forget that the attentive rituals and comforting contact the top their bottom is just as much “aftercare” for them as it is for you.