Did it take you awhile to get out of your shell as a Dominant? I’m a novice Dom, but I’ve been having a difficult time getting the confidence to put myself out there and meet new people.


It did, it’s like beginning vanilla dating x100, nervousness-wise. Find local munches, hang out with like minded  members of the community, observe, learn, and don’t put any pressure on yourself to be “on.”

Best advice ever!  

Like beginning vanilla dating x100?  Check.

Observe, learn, and don’t put any pressure on yourself to be “on?”  Double check!

You wouldn’t just hop into a pickup basketball game or a coding scrum and say “how hard can this be?”  You probably won’t catch and land a fish the first time you try.  You may not remember your first day of drivers ed, or your first drivers test.  And I swear they all them “nails” because you hit them both pretty equally when you first learn to use a hammer.  

But all those things?  

Being a Dom, or a Daddy, or a Sub, or a… anything only comes a little naturally.  You might have a good voice but you still have to learn how to sing with others.  You might have a commanding sensibility but you still need to learn how to lead a partner who no matter how much they submit to you is still peer who’s agreed to follow you.

Watch and learn.  Baby steps.  And for god’s sakes have fun.  “Don’t put any pressure on yourself” means it’s sex, not a civil service exam.