Do people not realize that a true masochist and a true sadist could not work together? Sadist get off on “hurting and tormenting” their partner, so the answer when a masochist, who needs the pain and begs for it, would be no. In this situation, there is no way for both of them to be fulfilled.


I kind of see what you’re getting at. For me. If the girl isn’t loving it as much as I am, in whatever sense “loving it” works for her, it is a non-starter for me. Limp noodle time.

Consider the sophomoric attempt at “kinky” humor:

“Beat me,” begged the masochist! “No,” sneered the sadist!

Brilliant only in the same sense as thinking if you put a big fan pointed at the sails on your boat you’d have perpetual motion!

Sadism really doesn’t work that way though. There’s just an unbridgeably big difference between wanting your lover to hurt and wanting them to suffer.

Doesn’t mean a sadist will choose something she or he knows their lover really likes. A masochist friend mentioned that her sadist used ice instead of spanking. Ice wasn’t a hard limit but she hated it, vs spankings which were an uncomplicated turn on for her.

She saw his choice as a refreshing twist that turned her on more than a spanking would. He understood that submitting to ice would put her most deeply into subspace, and that’s where they both wanted her to be.

I’m not that twisty myself. If getting spanked sends you I’ll just cheerfully spank you. Though if it doesn’t I won’t!

And that’s the flaw in the anon’s argument. Getting sexual pleasure from doing things that your partner doesn’t enjoy and doesn’t want isn’t sadism, is it? No. That would be domestic abuse “at best,” and aggravated kidnapping, criminal sexual assault, felonious assault and battery, plus socio- or psychopathology.

Don’t confuse the two.