Do you have any tips on building confidence as a dominant?




Remember the simple fact that your partner wants this to work just as much, if not more, than you do.

You’re not a solo performer in front of a crowd of one, you’re two dancers alone to your favorite song. Even if its awkward and clumsy, it’s still you having fun together.

You get better with practice, and might I recommend practicing often.

Also it’s okay to illicit help and co-conspire for success rather than put pressure on yourself to come up with ways of being some Macevelian solo genius. Bottoms can be active and sneaky positive feedback loop creators also!

Great addition. Dirty talk and mutual masturbation are your rehearsal! It’s damn good to rehearse.

“Remember the simple fact that your partner wants this to work just as much, if not more, than you do.”

This is the key.

Here’s the deal. Fantasies notwithstanding, nobody starts out lifestyle topping (Dom, Daddy or Mommy, Master or Mistress, etc) 24/7 anymore than anybody becomes a chef on their first day cooking. It’s not just an inclination or even an aptitude. It’s a learned skill too.

And since most people tend to go into kink with a partner who’s also interested it makes sense that they’d learn with and from their partners.

I’d add that for some reason there seem to be more women who are Submissive-curious than there are Dominant men. So it makes sense that if you’re exploring being a Dom your partner will be… pretty motivated to help you succeed.

And yeah, there’s a risk that you’ll end up with your sub trying to top from the bottom. But guess what? The internet is full of advice about dealing with pushy Subs. That’s an occupational hazard. But a generally solved one.

If you think of it as your graduation requirement instead of an obstacle it won’t seem as daunting.

This isn’t “the truth,” by the way. It’s a combination of observation, experience, and opinion. But try it on – with your partner – and see if it’s workable for you both.