D/s Drabble
When a man tells me he doesn’t want 24/7 D/s, that it’s impossible to be ‘on’ all the time, unrealistic to ‘be’ dominant or submissive all the time, I always do a little mental happy dance. Because it’s one more person who didn’t waste my time, one more person who doesn’t understand that dominance and submission, in this regard, are not acts – they are characteristics, inherent traits, and, in practice, a way of relating to another person.
There are plenty of people who enjoy the sexual and power-play aspects of BDSM, who enjoy it only from time to time or in certain contexts or situations. But the one I’m interested in can’t turn it off because ‘it,’ quite simply, is him.
I totally agree with this. We treat dominance and submission like they’re kinks, because a lot of the most proud practitioners are really just tourists. They’re doms that wasn’t to bully a girl only until they get off, and subs that want someone to have total control over them as long as they only do what she would have agreed to anyway. They only care about rituals and safe words and being part of “the BDSM lifestyle.” It blows my mind when I see “BDSM people” talk about equality, respect and consent – that’s not dominance or submission, that’s an imaginary tea party with chains and fucking. It’s fake to its core.
Actual dominance is rooted in inequality, in two people coming together and accepting that one is capable of being in control and one is not. This doesn’t mean there can’t be love, nor that there’s not some form of respect, but you cannot be truly dominant to someone that you feel is your equal, and you cannot truly submit to someone you don’t feel is a more capable person than yourself. A real dominant looks at his submissive with care, appreciation, and total confidence in the fact that she needs him to take care of her and her is justified in treating her as his inferior. A real submissive looks at her dominant and sees the only thing standing between her and a big, scary world she’s not equipped to deal with. They are not equals, but they fit together perfectly.
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Actual dominance is rooted in inequality, in two people coming together and accepting that one is capable of being in control and one is not. This doesn’t mean there can’t be love, nor that there’s not some form of respect” –
This , exactly this ^^^^^. I don’t want a dom thats only dom on Sundays. If its not tpe – its not really power exchange is it? I know rough sex, chains, cages and leashes have their allure but i worship the Men who are Men strong enough to do all the stuff i can’t.
I am definitely on board with this too. I am in no way equal to my Master. Why on earth would I want him to Master me if he weren’t??
When your writings are commandeered and misconstrued and bastardized and turned into a shredded spam and pickle omelette left outside on a 90° day.
I appreciate @subgirlygirl’s followup so much because she knows what she wants but doesn’t think other people are stupid if that’s not what they want. She doesn’t make generalizations from her own preferences, declaring what a “real” XYZ is and implicitly invalidating anyone else’s preferences.
And just for the record I appreciate her because I try to be that generous to others (really) and (also really) feel I too often fail. So double hat’s off.
Editorial opinion on several interlocutors: a “real” Dom may settle for a sub who’s their actual, literal inferior. Until they discard them for a “real” sub who’s not. Be careful what you wish for.