erotica writers be like “his swollen member”

don’t forget the sister phrase, “her molten flesh”

Her tunnel of pleasure

But what about her slickly quivering folds

jesus christ.

“folds” is truly the most horrifying erotica word of all. and the runner-up, “her sex”.

Meh. There really aren’t any good euphemisms in English.

The one that kills me is ejaculating “ropes” of semen. That ones only become common in the 21st Century. Probably following the porn “money shot” cliche. (Ugh! “money shot” and “facial!”)

Oh and “starfish” for anus, though “sphincter” seems to be bringing up the… um… rear in popularity. Also probably just didn’t come up till hetero anal became trendy maybe 10-15 years ago. We’ll probably evolve some less ridiculous euphemisms if anal’s still a thing 10-15 years from now.

Since Gwyneth Paltrow took waxing mainstream years ago neither “pussy” nor “beaver” make much sense anymore.

And dear God but “nut,” derived from the elegant prison slang “bust a nut,” seems on its way to being the preferred word (noun and verb and adverb and adjective!) for orgasms. Which is only marginally less dumb than the 20th Century’s “come” or the 19th Century’s “spend.”

At the rate we’re going it won’t be too long before the next Twilight or 50 Shades knockoff contains the phrase “she passionately lowered her Smurf onto his throbbing Little Pony.”

Sigh. Then everybody will start using that.

Have I mentioned that there are no good euphemisms in English?