Has “dirty talk” during play always come easy to you? Do you have any advice for Daddies who are having trouble with talking dirty even though their littles are asking for it?

This is a tough one!  For a lot of people it’s one of those things where either you’ve got it or you don’t.  And too many others who think they’ve got it have just been overly influenced by romance novels or industrial porn.

Maybe the best advice I’ve heard comes from Kaitlin Menza from Women’s Health, who interviewed the wonderful Em & Lo for their recommendations.

You should of course go read the whole thing, but a real nutshell version would be

  • Build your way up: start with moans, say their name, say “yes,” say “yes, more of [what they’re doing.]”
  • Avoid silly terminology you don’t ordinarily use.  So no urology, no “sailor talk,” and feel free to say “me” and “you” as in “I want you inside me.”
  • Lower your voice
  • Give instructions: “Unbutton your top” or “turn over.”
  • Ask questions: “Do I need to spank you?”

Please note that that’s the way to start.  The main thing to learn not to feel ridiculous if dirty talk doesn’t come naturally to you.  Once you can say “open your legs for me” with a straight face you’ll find it easier to add more salt.  Eventually you’ll find you’re able to say something like “open your little legs for me, Little girl, show Daddy what he’s going to be playing with tonight” and enjoy her reaction instead of your discomfort.

Oh!  Which brings up my universal advice for everybody – not just Daddies!  Think about everything from your partner’s point of view.  Don’t say “I want to push my dick inside you,” even though you, um, might.  Instead say something like “it’s time for you to feel me inside you.”  Instead of saying “lie across my lap I want to spank you” say “where are you supposed to be for your spanking” and maybe add “am I going to have to put you there?”  The point being that, especially as any kind of top, your job is to own and supervise their experience.  Not yours.  So what rocks their boat?  

Final tip: if you know your lover grew up getting herself off to romance novels? Then just suck it up and say “Prepare to be mounted as a stallion would mount a mare” and… enjoy how much warmer and wetter she gets because you did.  You might still be rolling your eyes, but for very different reasons.

What do you think?