Hi . I have a question that i have wanted to ask for a long time . Is there a problem if a sub is a little softer than it should be ? For example , is there something wrong if , in a session , the sub asks for affection , like,,i love you ,, things or hugs from her sadist ? Like , an aftercare during their thing ?


Of course there is nothing wrong!

YES! It’s ok! Hell yes! Let me say that again YEEEES!

Of courses it’s ok. There is NO right way to scene. There is no right way to be a sub or a Dom or a switch. There is only a right way to be you and only you know what that is.

We here @the-faculty pass out advice based on what we’ve been through, our preferences and our (considered) opinions, however, outside of certain sacrosanct principles like consent and due care, there is NEVER a right or wrong way to do this stuff. There is only what you and your partner make work for you.

There is NO correct way to submit.

There is NO correct way to Dom.


You get the picture.

If you want to be cuddled and told you are loved in the middle of spanking then by god that’s what you should have from your partner, because they are your partner and they want to please you. At least I hope they do. If not find one that does.

Please folks take what you read here and see posted everywhere on Tumblr and elsewhere with a healthy skepticism. You know you and no one can tell you how to do you. I and my fellow members here want to help but we don’t EVER mean to tell you that what we do is what you should do.

Warm regards and go get some cuddles,



Long answer: So back in the 1950s this guy Thor Heyerdahl built a raft of balsa logs to test his hypothesis that ancient Peruvians could have sailed across the Atlantic to Europe.

While loading his boat with canned meals and juice and wine bottles someone told him “but the ancient Peruvians would have eaten dried potatoes and lama meat.”

Heyerdahl is said to have replied, testily, that he hoped to prove ancient Peruvians could cross the Atlantic, not that he himself was an ancient Peruvian.

So… same thing with BDSM.  We may use some of the trappings of traffickers, of kidnappers, of domestic violence, of feudalism, of harassing bosses, of abusive teachers, of actual Goths, or even out-and-out psychopaths. Or their victims.

But we do those things because they please us, amuse us, arouse us, and satisfy us.

Not because we’re actual kidnappers, teachers, Goths, or tyrants.  Or their victims.

Short answer; how we choose to have sex in our relationships with our lovers doesn’t change the fact that they’re still our relationships!  With our lovers!

Requesting or giving affection from a lover is always appropriate.