How did you know you were a Daddy Dom?


I get this question pretty frequently in the form of messages, so I figured I’d go ahead and write a post about it.  That way, I can just refer people to this post and then continue with my gaming super important things that I, an adult, am always doing.

So, for me, being a Daddy Dom was neither immediately apparent nor something that I even knew about for most of my life.  I didn’t even know that it was a thing until 2014.  The thing is, when I DID eventually stumble across it, I recognized the traits in myself almost instantly:

Responsibility – I stepped into the role of provider for my ex-wife and her daughter at the age of 20, after meeting her online when I was 19 (yes, people have been meeting each other online for that long – even longer!).  I derived a great sense of fulfillment and purpose from this role, and it was something that came naturally to me.

Nurturing – In both the role of husband and father, I was a very nurturing, loving person.  I was a disciplinarian, educator, caregiver, and kisser-of-boo-boos.  I was just as comfortable in providing care as I was in my role of primary wage earner, and I drew an equal amount of satisfaction from both.

Leadership – I’ve always been a natural problem-solver and I’ve had a knack for knowing best how to utilize people’s unique skills in order to accomplish a task.  Knowing when to do something yourself and when to delegate a responsibility is very important in business as well as in your personal life, and I’ve always had a good sense for this.  Besides that, people have always looked to me for ideas and solutions, and I’ve naturally taken the lead when the opportunity arose.

Structured – Think of structure in this context as the convergence of Responsibility, Nurturing, and Leadership.  It’s the ability to create a routine and stick to it, to function as a support system, and to be a steady presence in someone’s life.  This may include rules, or it might only involve rituals that promote bonding and a closer relationship between caregiver and little.

Playfulness – I’m very much at peace with my inner child and it comes in very handy when you’re dealing with littles.  I’ve always been the playful sort, and I enjoy being silly and letting my imagination run wild.  I don’t feel ashamed at all when assigning funny voices to different stuffies, and my storytelling skills come in handy when crafting a detailed narrative for my Little One to enjoy.

I have to confess that, for much of my adult life, when I thought about someone being a “dominant”, I pictured the typical alpha-type male – aggressive, possessive, demanding, and confrontational.  It never occurred to me that dominance could be anything other than the dysfunctional bullshit we so often see portrayed in the media.  It took a whole lot of reading and tons of communication with for-real, actual Doms for this lesson to really take hold.  

Through my research, and through the teaching of people like @instructor144, @lovemysub, @1-sadistic-lover, @itsallprimal and others, I gained a greater perspective on what it truly means to be a Dominant.  Being a Daddy was such a natural part of who I was before I knew what it was.  I really felt like the kid in the movies that always feels out of place and a little strange because he’s different than everyone around him, only to discover halfway through the movie that he IS different, and it’s in the most wonderful way imaginable.  Discovering this life and the community that has developed around it has been like a true homecoming for me.  That’s why I work so hard to put as much good information out there and to promote the people who have helped me along the way.  There are others out there who are walking around, feeling out of sorts or lost because they don’t really get why they are the way they are, and if they eventually find us, it’s up to us to make sure they have the best information possible to guide them along the way.

Until next time!

So nicely said! There are certainly straight-up D/S relationships with stronger or weaker Daddy/Little overtones. But more often you’ll see D/Lg relationships with stronger or weaker or even nonexistent dominant and submissive overtones.