How do I find a dom like you? Like do people like you really exist?


That is an incredibly sweet sentiment, anon. I’m at least 75% sure that I exist, but I’m probably not the man you think I am.

My blog, like most blogs, represents the good stuff. I seem “wise” because I have a lot of experience and plenty of time to consider my words. In real life? In the moment? I’m not always wise.

My blog talks about the love I have for @belovedsangi. It talks about the dynamic we share and some of the many lessons our lives in BDSM have taught us. It talks about the good stuff.

Here are the things it doesn’t talk about much, if at all:

It doesn’t talk about the days when I’m in so much pain I can barely move, much less be some super-dom.

It doesn’t mention the days when the ADD gets the best of me, and I can’t even keep myself on track, much less Sangi.

It doesn’t elaborate on the days when the depression kicks my ass and I feel lost.

It doesn’t talk about the days when I’m manic and have the energy of a thousand exploding suns and act like an idiot manchild.

It doesn’t highlight the fact that I mostly dress like a schlub. Sure, I can dress up with the best of ‘em and look damn good in a suit, but I’m honestly a lot more comfortable and likely to be found in a nerdy tee shirt and some flip flops.

And don’t get me wrong- I like who I am. Most days I’m dynamic and driven and considerate and compassionate. Even on my worst days I’m kind and that’s the part of myself I love the most. So this isn’t a “I secretly suck” post. I like who I am. But I do think sometimes people build me up in their minds and when I get messages like this I worry that you maybe have unrealistic expectations.

So you want to know how to find a dom like me? Do what Sangi did. I didn’t identify as a dom. She found a man who was strong and kind and compassionate and quietly confident. Date them. Get to know them. Tell them what parts of them you admire. Tell them who you are. Tell them what you want. And then- and this is the most important part- grow with them. Support them when they stumble, because they will, and often. Re-evaluate your relationship regularly and adjust what is needed. Because good doms aren’t just born. We grow into this. We become, with effort and trial, what our partners need us to be, and the best versions of ourselves. I should know. I’m still on that journey now, and I likely always will be.

Best of luck on your path, anon.


Read the whole thing.

Maybe read it twice!

Good stuff!