How do you hold a Dom accountable when they mess up? I got myself grounded for being mouthy and part of my punishment was not being allowed to go to my garden. My Dom assured me that he would take care of it while I was grounded but over the course of two weeks he never did and several things died. My garden is one of my biggest coping mechanisms for anxiety and now I’m so angry with him and he’s saying it’s a consequence of my actions. What do I do at this point?

instructor144:

At this point it’s meta talk time, and you firmly read him the riot act for falling down on a major commitment, especially since he knows what your garden means to you. Were I in your shoes and went out to find my veggies withered, I’d lose my shit. And also let him know that, as far as I’m concerned, keeping you from your garden as “punishment” is abusive and fucked up; it’s like not allowing someone to take their anti-anxiety meds. For some of us, our gardens keep us sane!

“At this point it’s meta talk time, and you firmly read him the riot act for falling down on a major commitment…”

Yup. One *agrees* to submit to one’s Dom. And the nature of that agreement is that you’re *both* satisfied with the results.

If you’re not satisfied with the way a partner is meeting the terms of your agreement then the right thing to do is in-suspend disbelief and have a reset.

You don’t have to yell, boss, switch, or otherwise turn the tables. That’s hard to come back from anyway. But you do need to have maintenance conversations in any real relationship. And, D/S or not, you’re in a relationship.

More to the point, breaking trust like that will do more to damage your relationship than a relationship conversation will.