I have a partner who isn’t very sexually experienced. What normally turns me on in confidence, experience, prowess, etc. that allow me to forget everything and feel. In this case, my partner needs to learn a lot and I need to help them do so (it’s not as if people are born great lovers!) but as a person who leans towards being submissive, it feels difficult to teach without giving up a power dynamic that I like so much. Any ideas for how to preserve power exchange and learn together?

Well. The first thing is, I think, you should be asking other Subs, or maybe even a Dom. I’m just a Daddy so all I can do is give fatherly advice, not expert advise.

That said, the first thing I’ll say is be sure to mark and acknowledge progress. It’s way too easy to see what’s not finished than to see what has. It’s also easy to move the goalposts — to say “yeah, you’re doing that thing I need but now I want more.”

It doesn’t take much experience to gain confidence. And with confidence comes improvisation and discovery.

My biggest advise for anyone who’s inexperienced: learn the basics. The vanilla things that form the foundation of all sex. Be the “expert” for him with that. Not the kinky part. For that learn to respond well while he learns what makes you tick Submissively.

Tell him he’s a lucky fucker to have a skilled and responsive Sub to play with. Tell him you’re a puzzle to be unlocked.

The one exception to all the above? Tell him exactly what should happen to a Sub who gives her Dom shit, sass, or impatience. Something that’s real punishment for you. As a more experienced Sub you’ll be tempted. Warn him not to tolerate it or he might lose you.

And unless you want to lose him you won’t fuck around on that last part, will you? He’ll learn.

Oh, and show him this. Tell him he has your permission (and mine!) to own your pretty little ass if you get sassy while he’s still learning the ropes.

The one exception for you? Tell him you’ll take domination but don’t have to take any shit from him if he dishes that out instead. Because a D/S relationship is still a relationship. Show him that too.

Think it’ll help? I hope so!

Good luck for both of you!