I know everyone ask and sympathizes with the pain of subs. But I am the lead (Dom) in our relationship and I notice in all our meta talks we always talk how everything effects her. When I realized so many things started with me being hurt by an action. So I guess my question is am I the only one with issues that cause me emotional pain and discount it to care for my sub even though it is killing me a little at a time.
That is a common problem with Doms, many of whom damn near martyr themselves for their subs without giving proper weight and care to their own needs. While I’m glad your sub utilizes meta talks, there are two people in this relationship, so meta talks are for you too. Don’t be a martyr. Use your words.
As a submissive who wants to do her best for her Sir, if he doesn’t tell me something is bothering him, I can’t work on it. And if/when it DOES come out, I’ll feel even worse that not only was I doing/saying this thing that hurt him, but he felt like he couldn’t tell me about it. I’d be absolutely crushed.
No one enjoys hearing, ‘You did/said this and it hurt me…’
‘When you do/say this, it makes me feel bad…’
But if you don’t say it, she’ll think it’s fine and you’re happy and everything’s going great. Just like (I assume) you want your submissive to come to you, she (I’d be willing to bet) wants you to come to her. Because while submissives come in a wide variety of flavors, maybe the one thing we all have in common is a driving need to please. She doesn’t want to hurt you. She doesn’t want *anything* to hurt you. And if something she can do or say will ease or stop your hurt, I can nearly guarantee she wants to do or say whatever that is.
Sweet conversation! Highlights so well how, whatever kink forms are observed in a D/S or D/Lg relationship, it’s still a peer relationship. You still care for and take care of each other.
This is probably hard for Doms and Daddies or Mommies to wrap our brains around — vulnerability in power-gradient relationships could feel like switching. But even though you might still observe the forms of your kink, the truth is support goes both ways.
