I think some people think that only the Dom should earn pleasure not the sub. That’s wht you get some times wird asks


Those people are idiots with zero understanding of what it means to be a Dominant.

Yeah.  Don’t even get me started on the transactional-model of sex rant!

A disappointing number of men, mostly theological traditionalists but also old-school misogynists and incel-types believe not only that only men should enjoy sex but that women expressly shouldn’t.  Instead women should get their pleasure more “naturally” from being pregnant and raising children and otherwise providing for their family’s needs.  (Including their husbands’ animal ones.)

A subset (gonna dip my toes in that fucked up transactional model) feel that since men pay for her dinner so it would be ‘double dipping’ if a woman also got pleasure from the sex she owes him.  Gonna just stop right there.

Startlingly, quite a few (mostly but not exclusively non-kink-Submissive) women believe this as well.

I honestly can’t speak to women’s innate or acculturated support for this but I can speak to the guys who feel that way.

It’s summer so another vacation analogy would be in order.  People who think only the Dom should enjoy sex are like people who think vacations should be all about driving to Disneyland or the Hamptons or Daytona Beach… and never getting out of the car.

It’s not necessarily true that all parties should have orgasms every time.  Orgasms aren’t the only yardstick of pleasure in relationships in general and kink in particular.  But!  

#1) Even if the relationship revolves around orgasm denial the top should give the bottom at least one to demonstrate they actually know how.  (Because, seriously, a rusty doorknocker can not give someone an orgasm!)

#2) If the Sub doesn’t get enormous pleasure as they define it out of a relationship then WTF are they even doing there?  Why the fuck are they even rewarding the Dom!  Because even accepting the premise of the Ask, it’s right there in black and what that the goddamn Dom should earn pleasure, not just take it.