This is a little outside this D/Lg blog but I haven’t always been a Daddy and I’m still not only a Daddy. So… here’s what I think that I’ve also been able to confirm by researching more contemporary sources.
1) Make sure he’s ok with it. Consensual non-consent is a much bigger fantasy for women than men. And even if he’s fantasized about it, and discussed it with you, actually doing it may be one of his limits. Maybe even a hard limit.
2) Communicate like crazy. Make sure he listens to you. Make sure you listen to him! For some people this is easy as falling off a log. For others it’ll take a lot of reassurance, confirmation, negotiation, limit setting, safety precautions, more reassurance, more negotiation, and more confirmation.
3) Reassure him that no matter how well he performs you’ll be ok with it. Even in non-consensual non-consent situations, a male perpetrator may not be able to get an erection, for instance. (Doesn’t matter, depending on terms used in the jurisdiction it’s the same crime that generally carries the same punishment.) Point being that a partner who actually cares about you may also have a tough time getting an erection. Or following through at all. You have to be sure you’ll be ok with this, and be sure he knows you’ll be ok.
4) Reassure him that you’ll be ok. By now even occupants of the current White House understand there’s a huge difference between the fantasy and reality of criminal sexual assault. (They pretend they don’t the difference, and they don’t appear to give a shit, but even they sure as hell understand it.) But it’s not as well understood that there’s a difference between fantasy and acting out a fantasy. However hot the idea is for you, when you see him there in a ski mask you can still ice over.
5) Relating to #3 and #4, communication is a serious key. His idea and your idea of an ideal CNC moment may be radically out of sync. He might love wearing a Jason mask while you see it as eye-rollingly cliché… or terrifying. He might be thinking nasty, brutal, and short while you’re thinking long, meticulous, and repeated. You might be thinking about spitting and slapping and he’s thinking you’ll be docile and meek.
6) Work out some good red, yellow, and green “stoplight” cues. Red and yellow are obvious. Green can mean “I’m fine” and even “more.” Yellow and green can be non-verbal. Red should be unmistakable – verbal, hand signal, all of the above.
7) This might sound dumb but consider a non-verbal identifier so you can be sure it’s actually, you know, him! Scents work well for this. It might sound dumb but not if your house or garage is dark, he’s hiding in the back of your car, he catches you in a stairwell or your backyard.
8) If he’s into it but not sure what to do consider starting small. Chances are good that if you respond well he’ll quickly catch on and, when you respond, get into it.
With 1-8 out of the way, you’ll both be able to go into your roleplay with a safe, confident mindset. And with that in mind…
9) Mmmm, consensual non-consent!!!
Let me know what you think!