I’m embarking on a new partnership. For reference I am a bottom. My partner is telling me they’re a Dom type, but also a masochist. Therefore in play they are requesting I would hurt them or basically we’d hurt each other. I don’t even know how to wrap my mind around this. Is this popular? I’m fairly new here.



Popular? No. Common? No.

Doable? Yes.

I had a partner once, many many years ago who was this way.

It’ll take some trial and error. But with patience and communication anything is possible. I could see rough body play or struggle fights as a good route for this.


We tend to think of BDSM as one thing. Well, really two: tops and bottoms, period. If you’re a Dom pure a adult, a rope top, a master, Daddy/Caregiver, or else you’re a Sub, a masochist, etc, etc.

But really any of those things can overlap. I know for a fact there are Masochists who get off like crazy on pain but they’d take your head off quick if you tried to make it at all about Submission, humiliation, punishment, or service.

I seem to recall a Dom who’d top the hell out of his service Sub after having her bind him.

There are service Doms who will take no shit from their Subs.

It could get more problematic for a solid Sub if the Dom wanted to switch when being Masochistic. But otherwise I could easily see a good Dom invoking service or humiliation Submission by saying “I didn’t even feel it, I know you can do better than that.”

I think it would come out more if we had more social scripting for this sort of “perversion” of kink stereotypes.