I’m embarking on a new partnership. For reference I am a bottom. My partner is telling me they’re a Dom type, but also a masochist. Therefore in play they are requesting I would hurt them or basically we’d hurt each other. I don’t even know how to wrap my mind around this. Is this popular? I’m fairly new here.





Popular? No. Common? No.

Doable? Yes.

I had a partner once, many many years ago who was this way.

It’ll take some trial and error. But with patience and communication anything is possible. I could see rough body play or struggle fights as a good route for this.


We tend to think of BDSM as one thing. Well, really two: tops and bottoms, period. If you’re a Dom pure a adult, a rope top, a master, Daddy/Caregiver, or else you’re a Sub, a masochist, etc, etc.

But really any of those things can overlap. I know for a fact there are Masochists who get off like crazy on pain but they’d take your head off quick if you tried to make it at all about Submission, humiliation, punishment, or service.

I seem to recall a Dom who’d top the hell out of his service Sub after having her bind him.

There are service Doms who will take no shit from their Subs.

It could get more problematic for a solid Sub if the Dom wanted to switch when being Masochistic. But otherwise I could easily see a good Dom invoking service or humiliation Submission by saying “I didn’t even feel it, I know you can do better than that.”

I think it would come out more if we had more social scripting for this sort of “perversion” of kink stereotypes.

This reminds me: I actually have a whole on mixing and matching the “Dom/sub” and “masochist/sadist” axises.

I guess maybe this is so a part of how I think right now. But, being a masochist or being Dominant, is mutually exclusive. And masochism doesn’t have to have any power exchange at all. It can just be about enjoying sensation, nothing more. So for Doms who want to feel that – it’s basically a moment that is separate from power exchange.

Also – Sado-masochism is a thing!

Sadomasochism is definitely a thing! ????

Speaking just for myself I’m a soft, non-Dom Daddy with an independent, largely service-Sadism side kink. I always want to cuddle and play, protect, support, and guide. No erotic interest in control, obedience, discipline, or rules. But oooh do I like doing ouchie, uncomfortable, or embarrassing things for, with, and to partners when that’s what gets them off! And then cuddle and soothe them and truthfully say how well they did after because, hello, Daddy kink!

Maybe that’s why it’s easy for me to separate the pieces so easily. But they really are separate.

Oh, getting back to S&M, a local pro Dom and Sadist blogger, Mistress Matisse, had an occasional partner (a soldier or maybe a firefighter?) who was a pure, non-Sub Masochist. If I’m remembering this right he loved it when she’d hammer thumbtacks into his sternum which would definitely hurt. And as I recall she rather enjoyed doing it.

Looking forward to seeing @evie-lupine‘s mixing and matching post!