Is asking a man if he’s ever been with another man offensive? As a woman who’s had sexual experiences with other women, I think it’s a fair question to ask, if only out of curiosity. I also don’t want to outright assume that someone is straight. Is that a question that would offend you or lead you to believe that person views you as gay?
Interesting question!
It’s never bothered me if a partner asks, particularly on the rare occasions I’ve asked her if she’s ever been with another woman. And I’m guessing most men under 30 won’t mind being asked.
As you say, fair’s fair! That said, don’t be surprised if the answer is a little wary or defensive.
While there’s plenty of stigma for being lesbian, and even more for being a bisexual woman for some reason, homophobia towards men can be and often is expressed with murderous violence. So depending on where you are and who you’re with, if the guy acts jumpy it’ll more likely be indirect “homophobia-phobia” than straight-up homobphobia.
Finally, while it’s ok for someone to say “none of your business” when you ask them about past partners (it’s not ethical to out any past partner without their consent) it’s a good idea ask all partners about their STI status.
That said, I’m sure I’m missing crucial points. I’m also very curious what other people think. Comments and reblogs are very welcome!
Update: don’t assume someone is straight, gay, or bi based on past partners. “Curious” and “experimented with” are legitimate, non-determinative experiences and a relatively common part of figuring out your orientation.
