I’ve heard of this term for subs in BDSM relationships called ‘building them up.’ As someone who’s new to BDSM, what does this mean?
It means giving them opportunities to succeed rather than fail. It means guiding and supporting in those areas where they want to improve and flourish. It means being a cheering section for their dreams and aspirations. It means stepping up to your responsibility to enable them to be the best version of themselves they can be.
This! This is a lovely difference between D/S and “weekend warrior” or roleplaying power games!
In D/S (and D/Lg) relationships there’s a considerable investment in time to elevate both partners. (Ostensibly for Subs, though Doms generally get to grow as well since they need to keep ahead.)
So in D/S the goal is looking for ways to“building up.”
Roleplaying/weekend (and also newbie) play is about looking for excuses for punishment.
The sexual behavior in any one evening might look very similar. But the intention and outcomes? Quite different.
Nothing wrong with either, by the way. Roleplaying and weekending are great fun, hugely fulfilling, and fucking hot in their own right. But D/S tends to be in it for the long haul too.
