Just So You Know.

subgirlygirl:

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t. Maybe no one told you that. Maybe you were told quite the opposite: All submissives do it, it’s just part of being submissive.

That’s simply not true.

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t. Someone can want it, desire it, even expect it in their relationships. But there is choice. And just as they have the choice to expect, you have the choice to deny. They may want it, desire it, expect it. But they cannot demand it from someone who says No, I do not want that.

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t. Despite the blustering that often rings loudly in these halls, it is not required. It may be a requirement for them, but it is not a requirement for everyone, I assure you. And refusing it does not banish you to the Submissive Hall of Brats and Inadequates.

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t. But know that for some, asking for it is a huge step, and the flavor of your refusal can soothe – or sting. If broached gently, respond in kind. If asked from a place of caring, respond with care.

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t. Maybe at some point down the road you will change your mind and The Thing won’t seem so bad, or scary, or distasteful. Maybe you’ll start thinking about it in a new light. Maybe you’ll want to dip in a toe just to… see.

(And maybe you won’t.)

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t. You might be scared or confused. You might feel your inexperience is clouding a commonality, something Everyone Does. You might feel you’ll lose them if you say no, that no one will want you unless…

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t. There are so many people and so many ways to connect. Sometimes we match up in glorious, beautiful, thrilling ways. Sometimes we don’t. But you will find your match. You will.

You do not have to do The Thing. You don’t.

I hope you know that.

© subgirlygirl.com, 2015

I love subgirlygirl’s clear, compassionate advocacy for limits and boundaries. 

I especially wanted to highlight her acknowledgement that the various flavors of [Leaders] are also humans who sometimes come with their own anxieties about their wants and needs.  And her corollary acknowledgement that regardless of the terms of their relationship, [followers] not only have autonomy but may also have compassion for their [Leaders.]  While not needing to waiver on their boundaries and limits.

Cool, cool post.