Okay, so as someone who’s been in the scene long enough to know, that it’s not only rude/disrespectful and wrong to put unwilling or unknowing people into a scene. How would you or people you know handle an “natural exhibitionist kink”. Not saying you have one, but if someone did have this kink and being an exhibitionist was something they wanted but a planned setting such as a group of people whom they knew or some sort a club wouldn’t work it had to be natural like in a real public place.
hiya @drakenruneblade,
okay, so if i’m understanding you correctly, you’re talking about having an exhibition kink and…exhibiting oneself in public/to the public, i.e., unsuspecting persons who have not consented to it, which is the opposite of what you say “wouldn’t work”, which would be “people whom they knew” or in a kink/dungeon setting.
if that’s what you’re talking about? nahhhh dude. 100% not okay.
because a different way you could be asking the same exact question would be saying someone has “a natural rape kink”, but CNC “wouldn’t work”, and how does someone handle that? (answer: they fucking don’t. because carrying out a rape fantasy without consent? that’s straight-up rape, and anyone attempting that should be in jail.)
as to how i would “handle” a natural exhibitionist kink, i can think of two options, the first of which i have some experience with. in a previous D/s relationship, i had a weekly schedule and theme days, one of which was Exhibitionist Day. it was a kink i was interested in exploring about myself, and so we factored it into my structure. however, the things i did on that day were entirely fantasy scenarios, and/or played out in “imagine this” kind of headspaces while i did do things in a consenting space, “exhibiting” myself sexually. for example, sometimes i recorded erotic audios (masturbating with different sex toys, having orgasms) and shared them in an online community dedicated to that activity. other times i would share risque photos on my blog (but i drew the line at explicit genitalia, or full nudity or anything penetrative – just not my thing to go that far with anyone i’m not in a relationship with). the other ways i was instructed to explore this kink were in the “headspaces” i mentioned previously. like, when i lived in europe and was alone in the house and it happened to be the day the gardeners came over, he’d talk me through imagining scenarios in which they could see me through the windows and what i might be doing. whether or not i would enjoy such a thing. just like, coming up with one idea after another while they were right outside, but not actualizing it.
at night when it was dark and there was snow on the ground, he’d tell me to go into my backyard naked and sit in the snow (also playing with my cold temperature kink), but this worked because no one could see me in my backyard, especially at nighttime. and so it turned out that for me, the fantasy and the “thisclose” riskiness of it, as well as him inside my head spinning imaginative scenarios, was the thing that turned me on, not actually exhibiting myself to “public” or people who couldn’t consent to it. and as far as exploring an exhibition kink goes, that was a really good closure of it for me because it was all handled responsibly, respectfully and within the parameters of consent.
the other possibility with which i don’t have any experience (i’ve been to them but not entirely unclothed), if it simply regards being naked, is a nude beach. however, and i want to stress this, nude beaches tend to have a “you can be here naked” but also a “respect people’s personal space” rule. like, beyond not wearing any clothes, it’s not a place to go and exhibit oneself sexually. so if a person’s kink is simply exhibition, being naked in public? it could stand to reason that this could be a place to do that. however, that should not equate to popping boners and showing them to people (surreptitously or, god forbid, otherwise) or masturbating, or fucking whoever you’re with right out in the open, or anything sexual otherwise.
TL;dr – it isn’t cool, nor should it be supported at all, to exhibit oneself sexually to the public without explicit, absolute consent.
super rambly as usual, but i hope this was helpful in some way. :)
cheers,
dani
Yea I meant more like having sex in a public park after dark. Not getting yourself seen on purpose but, yea the factor of someone seeing you for real. Does cross that rape line.
no, i don’t think what you just described crosses a “rape line”. (my rape example in my original answer was to give you a different example of the kind of question you asked.)
simply put, involving unsuspecting people in your kink and sex acts is a violation of consent, and that isn’t cool.
(sorry if we’re getting our wires crossed in the understanding aspects of this, but i just needed to make that point clear.)
sidebar: this all just made me remember two things that happened to me. one, a male adult called my family home when i was 12 years old and i answered, and he wrapped me into this whole (believeable) scenario that i had won a contest at my local ice skating arena (which i regularly visited) and he was calling to let me know and to get my sizes for the skating attire I’d won. after i’d (naively, i suppose, but i mean…i was 12) given him my sizes and spent about ten minutes on the phone with him, he asked me if i knew how hard i’d made him and i could hear him touching himself, and the sounds associated with that. i slammed the phone down and walked quietly to my bedroom and ugh god, i felt so ashamed and confused and gross. and i didn’t tell my parents because of that. (also probably because i was Catholic.)
mostly, though? i felt violated.
the second was the time i was riding the MBTA in Boston, broad daylight, and a man got on in the tiniest fucking running shorts i’ve ever seen and he stood RIGHT IN FRONT of me where i was sitting with the hugest hard-on, part of which was poking out of his shorts. if ever an erection could be called “aggressive”, that’s what this thing was. i mean, the asshole had stood there because his junk was face-level with me. at the next stop, i stood up and shoved him so hard out of my way and got off the train, nowhere near to where i was traveling.
again, i felt disgustingly violated. because i didn’t consent to it.
i realize this isn’t what you’re talking about. and to be honest with you? i’m down with sex in public places *if there is an absolute fucking guarantee* that we won’t be seen. like, a walk in the woods at night. an abandoned building, maybe. your “in a public park after dark” example? i mean, i guess it would depend on the park and where you were.
but i think mileage and examples are gonna vary on this. some people think it’s perfectly fine to give someone head in an elevator. others think it’s cool to fuck in a parking garage and get away with it. and like, look, i understand. i get the thrill of “almost getting caught”, the risk hotness of it all.
but what ultimately is going to stop me is if what i’m doing is potentially going to expose someone to something they didn’t consent to seeing, you know?
so i guess my final word on this is to always keep that in mind, if you’re gonna venture into consensual “natural exhibitionism” play.
p.s. there’s something else i need to be clear on, or come clean about. i have done things before, when i was younger, that i wouldn’t do now. reckless things that could have violated a person’s consent, had they witnessed any of it. fellatio things come to mind, on a bus in broad daylight and at a goddamn showing of Lady and the Tramp in the back row of a movie theater, respectively with two different longterm boyfriends. and that other time i covered a girl’s lap with a winter overcoat and got her off with my hands while watching the final Hobbit movie. (it was dommy on my part. i ordered her to not make a fucking sound, and we weren’t found out.)
but the more i came to live and respect a D/s lifestyle, the more i learned and understood consent, and how incredibly important it is. please understand that my answers here aren’t to ‘tsk tsk’ or to chastise anyone. not at all.
but if i can impart any lessons i’d wish i’d learned sooner in my life? that’s what i want to do.
cheers,
dani
Awesome discussion! Consent and boundaries are important!
Let’s switch things around a bit though. Let’s say the original question was how do you handle a “natural voyeurism kink?” Where it wasn’t “good” unless people didn’t know you were creeping them.
Swap those out and @danipup’s answers become even more clear.
Probably don’t have to say anything more, huh? No, I probably don’t.
