On “Training” your husband to be a Dom…

I got a sensitive ask from an actually very-nice Submissive about any tips for training her “stubborn” husband to be a Dom.  Her concern was that while he’s naturally dominant, and “slowly understanding” what she needs, she keeps having trouble with patience.  

I hope I’ve said that fairly and well.  Like I said she seems perfectly nice, just really really sure what she wants… and that she’s not getting what she wants.

I’m just going to say that… no, you can’t “train” someone to be a Dom any more than you could “train” them to be submissive.

This doesn’t mean they can’t learn!  But they gotta want to learn.

They can’t just go along with it to make you happy.

This is as true for Littles and Subs as it is for Doms and Daddies by the way. Just because I want you to submit to me, or dominate me, or let me be your Daddy doesn’t mean the answer is you just need training and then you’ll get it.

I’ve gone out of my way to avoid suggesting there’s any irony of a Sub training someone to Dominate her, by the way.  That’s actually 100% legitimate!  Whatever the dynamics during sex and even non-sex, at the meta-conversation level in all relationships you’re 100% equals as well as 100% partners.

Women who are expert ballroom dancers teach men how to lead all the time!  That’s totally fine, right?  So it’s just as fine for a woman who’s a sub to teach her partner how to Dominate.

It’s just that there’s a hell of a difference between teaching someone who wants to learn vs training someone who doesn’t.

BTW, nobody’s asked why I type “D/S” instead of the more cliche´ “D/s.” But it’s because I’ve noticed that Subs are generally way more assertive, clear, and driven.  They know what they want and grow very impatient if they don’t get it.

And no, they don’t want to “top from the bottom” necessarily.  They want to Submit, damnit!  Because that’s what gets them off.  Not because they want to be the boss of the world.

And so, yeah, show a little respect and capitalize that S!