theruleset:

please remember D/s is an agreed upon fiction.

You are 2 equals agreeing to play a game with each other, where the together beforehand you set the rules. If the rules are unsafe, unfun to a degree it causes you to genuinely not enjoy things, or triggering in any way, you need to tell this to your partner. This is literally what safewords are for.

And when I mean tell it to your partner, I mean “I’m not gonna do this anymore if this continues.” Bullshit like “I make all the rules and your concerns are nothing” is fine when it’s dirty talk, or to something minor you enjoy being denied, BUT IF IT’S ACTUALLY IMPORTANT IT NEEDS TO CHANGE.

Otherwise, that person is not someone worth being with. Period.

If you or your partner can’t genuinely snap out of it when appropriate then one or both of you has a serious problem.  You both need to stop.

The standard message is to say something like “Vet your partners” and “If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries stop playing with them.”  But that’s another variation on blaming the victim.  The equivalent of “don’t drink at parties.”

The real message needs to be to perpetrators: “don’t play if you can’t fucking play by the rules!

Never forget the ultimate safeword is “what the actual fuck, asshole?”