Porn Lies

wonderkittybitches95:

his-queen-my-king:

k1ng0fbeasts:

his-queen-my-king:

k1ng0fbeasts:

naughtytalia:

crusoesampersand:

crusoesampersand:

So… porn.

I love porn.  I find it an incredible resource.  I use it to learn, for stimulation, for a punchline in my blog.  

I’m a 48-year old, relatively well-adjusted, educated woman who recognizes the purpose of porn in my life.

Do I think unlimited, free, 24-hour access to porn is a detriment to society as a whole?

You betcha.

Porn lies.  Porn is not real.

I don’t care if you’re 12, 24, 21, 30, 50 or 75.  Porn lies.

There are no set dressers in real life.  No production assistants.  

There is no one to clean up the mess when accidents happen – and Oh Sweet Baby Jesus!  Accidents Happen!  Nope.  I do the laundry.  I clean the shit.  I clean the puke.  We wash together.  We have to wake up together and go to church.  Sex is freaking MESSY.  Porn is antiseptic and perfect and what?  

Total fucking bullshit.

I’m rolling my eyes as I write this:

We fart, we wet fart, we shit.  Things go into us, things go out of us… they don’t always smell so good coming out.  Hell!  I do my best, but after I enema, the timing isn’t right and then the liquid remains spurts out. Gah!  The smells.  Oh Lord. And you know what?  Fuck that noise.  

I love anal.  I don’t think I should have to enema.  Roll me over.  Take me.  And take your chances or use a condom.  If it feels good for both of us we should just do it, and not worry about the shame. Porn lies.  

No one’s ass looks like that.  Porn is endless wax, and bleach and filters.  It is eating gummy bears and endless enemas.  Let me say it again for the cheap seats.  PORN ISN’T REAL.  

We are mammals.  We have hair.  It grows in the most inopportune places.

I do not visit the waxer every day.  Truth be told, Crusoe is lucky if I visit every six weeks.  It is expensive!  It is time-consuming.  I am a single parent with sole custody.  A waxing appointment is relatively low on the priority list.  Did I mention it is expensive?  The woman I pay to wax my chocolate starfish drives a Mercedes SUV. I drive a Ford mom wagon. Hmm.  Maybe I wasted my education.

Consider this:  maybe your woman is trying to be healthy so she’s taking a probiotic.  I hope you love her.  Like, really love her and want her to be healthy.  Because her shit does, in fact, stink.  And is (how shall we say)… unpredictable.  Love her anyway!  

Why?  Because she is your own personal porn star.

Am I writing too much about poop?

Why is it that poop is always the bottom’s responsibility?  Somehow the shame is all on us?

Again, for the cheap seats: FUCK THAT NOISE.

Last I checked, Masters, Tops, Doms, Sirs…. They all poop too.  As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure that my nose and lips and mouth are right up in that orifice, so don’t act all surprised.

I have never (yes, I used the “n” word) farted in front of Crusoe.  I’ve queefed, but that can’t be helped.  I have never actually farted.  The pain has been unbearable.  Which is ridiculous!

He farts in front of me with wild abandon.

I should be able to just let one rip.

Alas, that’s a threshold I haven’t been able to cross.

For Pete’s Sake!!!

The ridiculousness of that sentence just hit home with me.

Good Lord.  

I’m conjuring a modified rosary just for me:  “Pray that she may fart in front of her Sir”

Pray for us sinners, one and all.

Oh – and porn lies.

I was searching for another post (damn you Tumblr search engine!) when I came across this gem.

A daily dose of reality.  

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@his-queen-my-king very well said. Baby girl and I love anal. You know what? Sometimes I flip her Over on her stomach or bend her over and take her sweet asshole. Sex for us is rarely planned.

Whatever happens is normal human body function. She has no body fluids that prevent me from taking baby girl when I want her. I have also bathed in her blood.

She is an outstanding woman and has the same mindset about it as I do.

@k1ng0fbeasts This is a great read. I do have the same mind set. We are Us. We are One. So why would anything come each others body both us. That’s what Unconditional Love is. The aftercare.. cleaning each other after is part of it.

@his-queen-my-king let me add that porn gives unrealistic impressions that all women have long legs, thin waist and the perfect firm DD tits with nipples up high.

Their is the unreal expectations that a man should be tall, muscular, have 6 pack abs and 10 inch cock 3” in diameter.

It gives unreal expectations of how a man should treat a woman and what her capabilities are.

I look at porn here on tumblr and other places. I know it’s not real. I know how real men and women are supposed to look. I don’t let porn twist my mind into false expectations.

@k1ng0fbeasts And with that ..You are the best I will ever have. You love me for my open mind. My willingness. Most of the Love I have to give to you. Your not going to see that in a Porn. The Aftercare we share will never be in a porn.

We are a LOVE story with a hole lot of Kink.

Thiiiisssss

While we’re at it…

  • Porn is supposed to look good
  • Sex is supposed to feel good

Choose one

ALSO

Changing diapers 24/7 for five years immunizes a man’s reaction to accidents during ass play. (It also made this D/Lg Daddy extraordinarily appreciative of grownup women’s pussies and asses.)