sex is not supposed to be about what you can tolerate!!!!! sex is supposed to be about what you genuinely want and enjoy!!!!! and if you’re traumatized and/or not straight, believe me, I know it’s not that simple to figure out what it is that you actually want and enjoy.
you’re not a bad person if you do something that you don’t particularly enjoy because, for example, it makes your partner happy, but always remember: you have no obligation to engage in sexual activities that you don’t fully like and enjoy.
and you don’t ever, ever need to justify that – if your partner has an issue with “It makes me kind of uncomfortable” or “I don’t really like it”, then that person does not deserve a moment of your time, in or outside of the bedroom. you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone; you don’t have to meet anyone’s standards of acceptable vs. unacceptable activity (or lack thereof); you don’t have to force yourself to be comfortable with something because of any perceived political connotations of performing or refusing that act.
saying yes because you feel guilty about saying no is not consent. saying yes because you’re scared of what will happen if you say no is not consent. saying yes because you figure you might as well just endure it is not consent. sex ed on here and elsewhere doesn’t give a single shit about traumatized people and I wish someone had told me all of this a lot sooner.
Never be afraid to say no! Another person’s desires will never trump your own physical or emotional well being.
“sex is not supposed to be about what you can tolerate!!!!! sex is supposed to be about what you genuinely want and enjoy!!!!”
Yes and no are good choices. “I should” and “Ok I guess” are big red stoplights. For you. For your partner.
Maybe there are things you want to do but shouldn’t. (Pushing or gaslighting a partner come to mind, case in point!)
But there’s not one thing you “should” do if you don’t ultimately enjoy it.
