“Allow yourself to be a beginner. No-one starts off being excellent.”

Never forget that “newbie” is a bit of a slur, though it tends to be earned. Earned how? It’s tempting to try and bluster your way through when you’re a beginner. This is a mistake. For the most part you’d be surprised how generous experienced Subs, Littles, Masochist, and Slaves can be to an honest beginner top. Same with tops for beginning followers.

Not everyone is a good teacher. Not everyone is patient with beginners either… which is a shame since they may have forgotten their own first steps.

You have to be clear if that’s what you need. And be wary of those who merely want to “break you in.” But honesty will get you there quicker than blustering your way into the deep end before you’re ready.

And as always, a good way to learn is with a partner who’s also inexperienced… but who’s curious, considerate, who likes you, and is willing to learn with you. Annddd… especially if you’ve got one or more (non-involved) mentors, coaches, or protectors you can both talk things through with.