Questioning myself



I’ve been exploring tumblr for a little over a week now.
I couldn’t count the number of pornblogs I’ve come across on my hands even if I were blessed with fifty of them. ????

But I’ve also come across some very interesting well written blogs.
Mostly of dominants answering questions.
I can not express how they bring some light along the way and how truly appreciated they are. (And I would love to find some submissive points of view)
However they also make me question myself more than ever before.

Am I really submissive? I seem to be very much attracted to de D/s dynamic in a relationship. However the sadistic and masochistic characteristics that are often paired with it scare the hell out of me.

I’m into kinky sex, I’ll admit that. I like to be spanked or even paddled and I love it when a man takes charge or getting tied up.
I have a high pain tolerance but the thought of being humiliated or willfully hurt makes me want to run like hell.

This is all making me question my submissiveness.
Am I really submissive or do I just crave a relationship with some higher level of intensity. A relationship where I feel wanted and cared for.
A relationship where I can look up to my partner and have him teach me, show me how to be my best self. Where I could take care of him without always keeping score of who’s done what for the other?

But isn’t this what makes me submissive? Or just a needy woman with a love for soft kink.

I’m reading about slaves, little girls, pets, … and all I’m feeling is that even though I identify with some aspects, the labels don’t suit me.

Maybe this quest is more about me learning the things I don’t want than finding the label that is me?
Maybe I need to learn how to separate the love, relationship and sexual identity of myself.

This isn’t an easy journey, is it? Oh, how I flailed about as I explored! Labels are such tricky little things. We try one on, turn this way and that in front of a mirror, hem and haw, and sneak looks at what everyone else is wearing.

A few things, if I may. A submissive doesn’t have to be anything other than a submissive. Many masochists will say the appeal is not in the pain itself, but in taking it for him. I certainly do, even as I’ve come to crave that pain, for various reasons. (And I did not desire any pain as a new submissive!) Humiliation is very much in the eye of the beholder. Much of what makes me purr like a kitten might feel humiliating to someone else, or non-plus another submissive. We are as unique as the partner we give ourselves too. There’s no one-size-fits all in BDSM. That’s part of what makes it so lovely.

You’re on a journey to…you. Try on as many hats as you like along the way. Be gentle with yourself–a difficult one for me, take your time, and read a LOT. I recommend that last bit regardless. ????

“A submissive doesn’t have to be anything other than a submissive.”

Lovely advice for kthmistythoughts from silknsteel-babygirl.

BDSM isn’t one thing.  D/s doesn’t imply S&M.  Nor does S&M equal D/s, nor B&D imply S&M or D/s, etc.  Most people get this sooner or later, but also everyone was a beginner once.