Ranty PSA About Inclusion


If you’re a submissive looking for a full spectrum Dominant you’re probably going to encounter a lot of Tops/bedroom kinksters who identify themselves as Dominants. It’s probably not malicious, chances are they don’t understand the distinction. Not everyone who enjoys bedroom domination is looking to make all the decisions and take the well-being of another person into their hands the way a full spectrum Dominant is.

Not being a full spectrum Dominant doesn’t make someone an asshole. Not everyone who enjoys the Dominant role craves this lifestyle. It’s okay to be a Top, and never want that dynamic to leave the bedroom.

This is a language problem, not a character problem. Is it sometimes irritating that Dominant is a title that can apply to a both Tops and full spectrum power exchange types alike? Yep, it is. But that doesn’t mean this person was out to deceive you. It doesn’t mean they’re doing things wrong.

I want to encourage you not to dismiss those who enjoy kinky play but aren’t involved in D/s as a lifestyle. Pushing bedroom kinksters out of the BDSM community with negativity and derision prevents them from accessing the information and guidance they need in order to practice kink safely. I’m asking you to favor inclusion and encourage education where you can. Try to understand that this is not Us Vs. Them, but Us AND Them together making up the BDSM community.

Wonderfully well said.  Generous too!  And of course 100% accurate too.  

Terminology’s a giant pain in the ass in kink.

You’ve probably noticed that I usually spell D/S in all caps, instead of the traditional “D/s.”  That’s because full-spectrum capital-S Submissives are a hell of a force on their own.  And mighty impatient with tops and doms who aren’t able to sustain a dominant lifestyle 27/4.

So I’d like to extend that just a little further, because as pleasurewhore points out there are capital-D Doms and lower-case d dominants.  

Much hilarity does not ensue with d/S combinations.  And, by extension, a D/s relationship isn’t going to be much better.  Because, after all, there are weekend, bedroom, and non-full-spectrum subs as well.

Point being that, yeah, Doms and doms, Subs and subs.  One’s no better or worse than the other. But they’re pretty different.  There’s plenty of room for both.  But it would be good to have those clarifying conversations earlier rather than late.

Me?  I can be a Daddy pretty much full time, even when I’m sick, exhausted, or fucked to perfection.  Always up for topping too.  But a capital-D full-spectrum Dom?  Ahahah, nope.  

Have I mentioned how cool @pleasurewhore  is lately.  (By “lately” I mean in the last few days. ???? )