So.  About that spanking…

“Considerate older sadist looking for cheerful younger masochist so we can thoroughly enjoy deciding what works best for both of us.”

One of the problems with BDSM is the overwhelming emphasis on dominance and submission.  Nothing wrong with a lot of drama.  (Really, nothing wrong with it!)  And while I’ve always preferred cuffs there’s nothing at all wrong with Shibari either.

But perhaps thanks to the actual Sade, and the actual Masoch, we’ve got some pretty negative connotations around plain old sadism and masochism.  Oh, and god knows there’s that whole gender thing.  And the tendency to mistake vindictive bosses as “sadists,” and meek doormats as “masochists.” 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure some asshole executives really are sadists.  And some meek ingenue interns really are masochists too.  But here’s the thing: most of them aren’t.

One of the wickedest sadists I know is a slight, solemn woman.  And her partner?  A big, fit, nerdy goof.  Sometimes you’d see them giggling and speculating about whether this, that, or the other would hurt (and therefore feel good) the most.  She wasn’t dominant in the relationship.  He wasn’t submissive.  She just got really turned on doing ouchie things to him.  He got turned having them done to him.

So.

“Considerate sadist” and “cheerful masochist” ≠ contradictions in terms.

Oh, and by the way that’s sort of what I mean when I say I’d never spank a partner as punishment.  Oh, I mean while roleplaying sure – headmaster/pupil power plays can be a lot of fun.  But in a straight-up d/lg exchange?  Not so much.