So here’s the thing: in straight culture we use shit like hair pulling and spanking as punishment.  This is objectionable not because it hurts (thought it certainly can) and not because it’s abusive (though when used as punishment it certainly is!)

What’s objectionable is how it’s abusive: butt spanking and hair pulling are typically sexually arousing!  Using those things as punishment is sexualized punishment.  As immoral, unethical, and wrong as would be forced other things such as  kissing or genital fondling (given or received) that would be enjoyable if the context were consensual.