So I have a few friends who know about me having a “daddy kink” and calling my boyfriend Daddy. And while I enjoy the d/s nature of our relationship and I am very happy, these friends don’t seem to understand it. To them, he is “controlling” and “abusive”, but for me, it’s guidance and loving care. What’s a good way to explain this dynamic to them? I’ve tried and they still seem to think he forces me into these things, which isn’t the case at all.

danipup:

hey, anon!

i think it’s important first to explain that submission is chosen, not taken, and that that’s presumably what you did when you entered into your D/s dynamic with your boyfriend. you held the power in doing that, you chose to be guided by someone you love and trust. 

apart from that, i honestly won’t do a better job than @lovemysub did, in answering an Ask about how to explain a D/s relationship to vanilla people who think it’s “wrong”. i linked it right here for you.

i hope this helps, anon, cheers :)

– dani

p.s. if they are still intent on judging and misunderstanding your relationship, remember what you told me in your ask:  “I am very happy”. in the end, that’s what matters the most. :)

submission is chosen, not taken
– Danipup and pretty much every other authentic Sub or Dom

Re-read that a couple of times.  If you don’t experience submission as a deliberate, active, and enthusiastic choice to you then you might be a lot of things, including another artificial-vanilla codependent, but you’re probably not a Submissive.

More to the point for tops: if you’re not dead fucking certain that your partner sees their submission to you as an active and enthusiastic choice then how could you possibly know you’re really a Dom and not another artificial-vanilla abuser?