So I’m a disabled Dom in my early 30s, due to a myriad of health issues (asthma, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis), and I and have been informed by my doctors that more health issues are due to arise and my health will continue going downhill over the next few years. I see a lot of posts about exercise and not being lazy, but do you have any suggestions on how to fight the negative thoughts that make me feel like less of a Dom because of physical limits?


I know a submissive who is in a wheelchair. She “kneels” by placing her hands in her lap and lowering her head. She is no less a submissive because she cannot kneel with the sinuous, limber grace of some 20 year old in the full flush of health! Do you think you are any different? Do you think you are any less a Dom because of your limitations? If you do think that, what makes you think you have the right to think that about yourself?? “Wake up. Get up. Arise, O Lion, and shake off the delusion that you are a sheep!!”

This is pretty important.  You know how I often mention that BDSM isn’t a single kink, or a spectrum, but a whole palette of possibilities?  I have dim memories from before I really had kink consciousness of a hardcore Dom who also enjoyed bondage.  He’d have his Sub bind him hand and foot and then Dominate the hell out of her.  

So much of kink is about attitude and inclination, not physical qualities like age, gender, or ability.  Or even other kinks!

Also consider that Submission is its own, independent kink and that anticipation service requires only direction rather than physical force.