So much of porn Submission is about fear, loathing, suffering, inhibition, and compulsion. And, sure, that’s one way to play it. Too often porn plays it as the only way. It’s… um… not.
But most Subs and Littles enjoy being guided! A basic Submissive/Little ask is “I want to do what you want me to do, so don’t make me guess.” Taking your hair in my hand takes the guesswork out of what I want. It doesn’t have to feel like coercion – it can feel like permission!
90% of porn is made for the vanilla consumer market. Mostly male. And vanilla men assume women don’t want sex! Or maybe they do… but only with some “alpha male” and definitely not them. So 90% of mainstream porn, including “BDSM” porn, reflects that assumption.
Meanwhile, over here in the actual kink-o-verse we get that while women don’t like random dick pics they like their lover’s dick, just like we love their pussies. We get that while they don’t like being cat-called in public or mashed on in bars they want to feel wanted. Just like we do! Being standard-issue human beings they like sex! Like being sexual.
Anyway, that’s a long, long way of saying how much I love the image, above. Yeah, he’s hot his hand in her hair. Yeah, he’s guiding her head. But in the “confines” of her Submission, rather than holding back she’s lunging forward!
An old management trainer told me that the most effective form of leadership is learning to make your commands appear as opportunities to your followers. I don’t know about anyone else – I’m more of a Daddy than a Dom anyway – creating those opportunities for Littles and Subs is the key to kink too.
