How do you feel about the idea that a person’s value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on that person? Do you think it is possible that they are so busy you wouldn’t hear from them for days at a time but it has nothing to do with how they feel about you?

Sorry I couldn’t answer this earlier.  This is a very important question!

The short answer is no, no matter how busy, depressed, or under the weather, a partner should always find a way to check in.  

That said… I’m actually really fucking terrible at this!  I think a lot of hard-core introverts are.  You’d think that since I’m physically very affectionate – not just sexually, hugs, and kisses but also cuddling, snuggling, holding hands, shoulder leaning, nose booping, etc. – that I’d also be super communicative.

One that last one hits ao many of my shy, “don’t want to bother you,” “can’t talk right now” introvert reflexes, the others really don’t!

This is not an excuse.  But it’s a good reminder that, as roughly blocked out by the “Five Love Languages” theory, that different people can have very different but equally heartfelt ways of expressing love, care, and concern for each other.  And, more importantly, different people can have very different ways of receiving expressions of love, care, and concern.

The canonical “love languages” are listed as Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  In my opinion that’s a good first approximation but practice it’s not inclusive and there are overlaps so it’s a mix and match system, not an exact one.  And the really important part isn’t that someone has one language or another but that you and they may not have the same language.

To answer your actual question, if their “love language” is Quality Time then yes, absolutely, your value to them is directly proportional to the time they spend with you and the effort they take to spend that time with you.  But if that’s not how they express then you can both be head-over-heels, heart-achingly important to each other and… still both of you feeling there’s something wrong.

For instance if, instead, their “love language” is something like gifts or doing things for you, you might be sitting there fuming like a chimney because they were busy wasting days in their workshop or kitchen lovingly crafting something (acts of service) for you (gifts) when they could have been there (quality time) with you (physical touch.)  And then they’re sitting there hurt that you hug them (physical touch) when you see them but never say (words of affirmation) how much you appreciated the watch or necklace they saved and saved to get you (gifts.) 

That all might seem like a long way of excusing awful tendency to leave people on read… but more than once I’ve literally (not figuratively, literally!) traveled all day just to give someone a hug (physical touch) or sit with them all night when they’re ill (quality time, acts of service.)

Your mileage, and theirs, in other words, may vary considerably.  Don’t ever be a doormat but do spend a little time trying to figure out if they’re trying to say “I love you” some other way.

It’s an important question, thank you for asking.  And best of luck!

Hi! (I love your blog💕) Do you have a partner? Or are you the Daddy of many kittens without commitment?? Just wondering :) I feel like you would be great as a husband idk why lol

Thanks for your kind words. I seem to have been a very good father, but I’m afraid I’m a much better Daddy than I was or would be a husband. What makes me attractive in small doses drives most people crazy in large doses. As someone once said, “goddam, your girlfriend could you replace you with a vibrator, a hot water bottle, and an encyclopedia!” 😂

Sigh. Sometimes I think they were right. Well except for forehead kisses. I’m very good at forehead kisses. And nose boops. And kissing on the couch. I’m pretty good at those things.

I’m not going to knock those with an orgasm-denial kink.  I get the vague impression it’s sort of like leaving ice cream in the freezer because you’ll enjoy the anticipation.  But I’m never going to understand it either because for me not giving a partner orgasms feels about like not playing my guitar.  I wouldn’t know what to do with my hands! 

I’d rather have you say “please, no more!” 😂

would you ever fuck a black women?

Interesting question. Since the question is open to so many possible interpretations it would be impossible to say something trite.

So yes.

People come from all kinds of places and have all kinds of life experiences. Based on my life experiences can’t even begin to say how much we all have in common though. Enough in common for me to be able to repeat what I’ve said over and over here and everywhere else: stereotypes tell us more about those who believe them than they tell us about those who are subjected to them.

Stereotypes, fetishes, and blunt racism notwithstanding, in my experience when it comes to sex, as when it comes to anything else in life, being Black hasn’t seemed any more or less significant than being from Nebraska or being allergic or being raised religious or having a 4.0 GPA in college.

Those are all important qualities and to say otherwise would be to erase them rather than respect them. And I’ve had great experiences with wonderful partners who match each of those those descriptions. And all of them.

So yes.

semperfi4life:

My intentions are pure, my thoughts are not.

This, actually. I’m a very earnest kinky Daddy. I’ll cheerfully fuck your freshly spanked ass without loosening my grip on the belt around your throat, and then solemnly stay up all night helping you prep for a big presentation in the morning, make you breakfast, and mean it when I say, from the bottom of my heart, “go get em, tiger.”

thanks for being a positive role model to the men on this site who don’t know how to properly dom and instead say uncomfortable and scary things to us subs

Thanks for your kind words. I say what I do to remind myself, too, not just others. Because I haven’t always been a good role model. So thank you!

Seriously. On an old blog my tag line was “learning from my mistakes so you won’t have to.” It’s still true. I’ve surely made enough of them.

It’s human to learn from your own mistakes. It’s civilized to learn from the mistakes of others. Be civilized.

Fuck “no-nut” November but please do remember that November is prostate-cancer awareness month.

Bleah.  Been sick with a bad cold or mild flu for almost two weeks.  On top of everything else I’ve had the libido of a soggy loaf of bread.

After having no interest in romance, danger, or lust for days and days I’m just gonna say not just no but oh hell no to “no-nut” November.

(Don’t even get me started on how unimpressed I am with “nut” as a term for something most of us actually enjoy!)

Ok, so I’m still a bit of a cranky Daddy.  Which I suppose could mean I’m all the way better!

But!  Having not “nutted” for maybe the last week of October I’m going to resolve to “nuttate” at least once a day for the next 30 days.

Just to be ornery and contrary.

TBH, no-shave November works a lot better for me.  No-shave November originated as an awareness action for prostate cancer.  Something I really do endorse.

Whether you choose not to shave or not to “nut” this month, please consider donating a little money to one of the prostate-health non-profits.  

princesskrissylou:

🙈👑🍭

Good morning!  Guess who’s feeling better after being down with a cold the last couple of days, hmmmm?