50shades-of-impregnation:

There’s just something about hotel windows, isn’t there, littledipper?

An older, experienced gentleman would know that as with most high-rises these days the hotel windows are actually reflective on the outside…

But if the idea excited you he’d also be too polite to point it out, wouldn’t he?

haveuseenmyhalo:

Know the Difference

If you think you are “forcing” someone to submit, You are wrong. One may give in to your superior brute strength- but that is not submission.

Submission can not be forced. One only submits of their free will.

Some people just want a person to “give in”. But the brilliant ones know the difference. They know the value of the submission. They are willing to work for the trust, the passion, the utter commitment that a submissive has.

True submission is incredibly beautiful while giving in is incredibly sad. It’s also the difference in our D/s and abuse.

*disclaimer- this is of course- all my opinion.

Seriously, kids!

Look. I can’t say this clearly enough: an empowered Sub is a better Sub! More responsive. Able to go deeper. Able to give more. Sexier. More into it.

If you can’t have a “no” that’s respected you can’t afford to give a wholehearted, no-reservations, completely trusting yes. It’s as simple as that.

smol-bean-meme-machine:

Reblog if you think that non-monogamous relationships are just as important as monogamous relationships

If they’re real relationships and you’re not cheating then sure! It’s equally true the other way around though — a point thats just as important to promote in kink.

Note: the best definition of cheating I’ve ever heard is changing the rules without telling the other players. That’s as true in checkers or business as it is in relationships.

la-ceinture:

Always be of use.

Submission is it’s own, independent kink and therefore Submissives actively seek what they want.  What outsiders don’t get about bottoms in kink is that what they want may or may not be more deep or intense than what their tops want.

For better or worse (mostly worse) our notions of D/S, D/Lg, S&M, and other power-exchange kinks in BDSM are bound up with our notions about traditional/historical gender: men are ravening horndogs, women are demure, innocent angels.  Men are violent and prone to abuse, women are dependent and often victimized.

It’s so baked into the dominant paradigm that we automatically assign things women do to facilitate their sexuality (things like kneeling, raising their bottoms when face down, parting their legs, enjoying ass impact, receiving penetration) with cultural gestures of subordination, subjugation, and degradation.

(Aside: next time someone tells you we don’t need feminism or LGBT activism ask yourself why “cocksucker” is still commonly hurled and received as a “fighting words” insult.  But I digress…)

While kink is certainly subject to its own gender problems (in the 21st Century why the fuck does anyone use “Domme” or, bleah, “dominatrix” for Doms that happen to be women?) it’s just not the case that Dominance or Submission kinks are intrinsically gendered.  Nor is it the case that all Dominants are all-knowing and all demanding and that Submission is a passive kink or that Submissives have no interests or agenda of their own.

I was already a top when I was too young to understand what sex was.  When I say I’m not a capital-D Dom, or a non-Dom Daddy I don’t mean I’m not physically dominant during sex. (Heh, no.)  I can be a very enthusiastic Sadist with a partner who’s a cheerful Masochist.  I don’t happen to have that common urge to push people’s boundaries or limits – never thought “oh boy, I bet my partner would really hate it if I tried doing XYZ, so I want to do XYZ to them.”  

But!

But as a result I’ve had a number of Submissive, Little, and Masochistic partners hint or outright ask for more.  And oh boy is that an awesome feeling!

But I’ve also had quite a few partners who’s pushed for more than I’m comfortable with. At least initially.  And some who’ve asked for or even demanded things that are simply hard limits for me.

Early on, when I was still thoroughly indoctrinated to the notion that Doms initiate and Subs merely receive, I pushed myself past my hard limits.  Or struggled to get ahead of my submissive or masochistic partner’s ardent desire for humiliation, pain, or exhibitionism.  It simply didn’t occur to me that I was automatically in charge by virtue of my sex (male) or role (Dominant/Daddy/Sadist) and so it never occurred to me that I could say no!

Fortunately that rarely happens, and even better, once I got over the stupid conceit that as a top, and as a man, my needs and kinks always exceeded those of my women partners in kink, I’ve been able to respect and accommodate not only my partner’s limits and boundaries but my own.

But also consequently I’m no longer surprised to find a partner waiting for me, already soaking wet, on her knees with a belt in her mouth.  Did I expect it?  No.  Did I initiate it?  No, Submission is its own kink and so it’s not surprising when Submissives initiate.  Do I know what to do?  Oh yeah, Daddy knows exactly what to do with a naughty puppy with a belt in her mouth, doesn’t he, cinnamonstick?

sunshine-tea:

Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer (2007)

Despite the stalkerish Twilight reference and weird possessiveness, it’s just the case that poly isn’t just something men do.  Same with kink.  To the extent that multiple partners are acceptable for Doms or Daddies it’s equally acceptable for Subs and Littles.  Adults should be and get to be… well… adult about it.

The good news is that since kinksters are people, and since most people are monogamous, most kinksters are also monogamous.  The other news is that not all people are monogamous and so not all kinksters are monogamous either.

If you’re not sure how you feel, or how your partner feels, talk to them.  For that matter, if you’re not sure how you feel about your partner’s partners talk to your partners! As opposed to randomly texting your partner’s partners.

Hi! So I’m 19 (and a Virgin). I have an older friend who is married. And I just learned that she and her husband are in an open relationship. My friend is about to go on a very long business trip… leaving her kind, attractive 46 year old husband all alone… any advice?

Interesting situation and an interesting question.  I’m going to answer quickly because it sounds like your situation is coming up quickly.

Did your friend say she and her husband are in an open relationship or did her husband?  Get clarification on this with your friend.

Did your friend suggest you connect with her husband or did her husband?  Get clarification from this as well.

Or, I suppose, are you planning to connect with him on your own?  If so (not to repeat myself) let your friend know and possibly ask if she’ll provide an “introduction” for you and/or permission for you to connect with her husband while she’s away.

You don’t have to say “hey, I’m thinking of connecting with your husband while you’re gone.”  It’s ok to be more general and open-ended.  But you do want to give her and/or them an opportunity to be transparent with each other – there are different rules for different open relationships.  Some are don’t ask / don’t tell while others are “I want allll the steamy details.”  That’s for them to work out but you need to make sure you’re not stepping into something that will blow up when she returns.

If the answer to any of these questions about their open relationship and your relationship with them isn’t clear then my advice is “don’t go there.”

You’ll notice I’ve said nothing about your relative ages or sexual experience levels.  There are plenty of other questions and/or advice I could offer about that, and I’ll be happy to if you want to send a second ask.  But those are almost irrelevant in the face of the bigger question of what’s their dynamic and how are you going to fit in it so that you don’t end up falling between them… and possibly falling out with your friend, her husband, or both.

Thank you for asking.  And best of luck getting clarity on those first important questions. 

nerudas-muse:

Sweet kitty ❤️

Feel sorry for the folks who can’t see that Littles have their own autonomous kink that’s independent of any partner. Having agency, they can and do act to initiate D/Lg interaction rather than simply responding to their partner’s initiative.

molestmeplease:

Daddy can I pretty please sit on your lap?

If you don’t understand that being a D/Lg Little or D/S Sub or S&M Masochist is it’s own active, independent, autonomous kink you won’t be able to understand kink at all.  Not even a little bit!

I’d add, incidentally, that because of this it’s important for Littles, Subs, and other bottoms remember that it’s just as important for you to get consent and respect boundaries when you initiate play. Especially with a new partner.

That’s one of the things I mean I mean by people not understanding D/Lg or D/S, by the way.  It’s just so baked into our stereotypes that Littles or Subs are always and exclusively under the thumb of their top that it simply never occurs to them that as active agents with your own agenda a kinky bottom wants what you want.  And it’s even less well understood, even in the kink community, that you have your own responsibilities as well as rights.

And meanwhile, yes, if we’ve been properly introduced then of course you can sit in my lap, papercut!