Posts Tagged ‘cg/l community’
There seems to be a common mischaracterization of d/s relationships: that dominance is active, submission is passive, dominance is doing, submission is being done to. And, if your frame of reference were primarily porn or erotic fiction, it would be easy to reach that conclusion. How many feminist objections to d/s are based in this type of thinking? It may also be at the root of common questions like “How do I get my SO to be more dominant?”
This mischaracterization of the d/s dynamic is unfair because it doesn’t give submissive partners enough credit. From where I sit, submission doesn’t look like a passive pursuit. It looks like real work. Submissives choose their role, and they choose to work at it at least as hard as their dominant partners. And then…they make themselves physically and emotionally vulnerable. They trust. Amazing. You aren’t foolish or weak. You deserve to be proud of the relationship that you build everyday.
tl;dr…Thanks for doing what you do. It is noticed and appreciated.
Oh, and pretty picture. Love the dress. Love the curls.
I am a lucky girl.
This is roughly the mindset
@cynicaldom comes from when he corrects me from saying he leads, I follow to he leads, I support.
UGH! This!!!
To clear the air for a moment it’s not surprising that there are (non-kink) feminist objections to the way D/S is represented in popular culture. There’s no doubt that D/S porn and erotica (including Tumblr) has a big problem with gender representation. In the real world there are huge numbers of women who are Doms and men who are (non-”sissy” and non-”forced-feminization!”) Subs.
You’d never know it from porn and erotica but Dominance and Submission are kinks not genders! Until that totally fucked-up notion gets straightened out feminists (and misogynists!) are going to keep having the same fundamental misunderstanding.
But more importantly…
This mischaracterization of the d/s dynamic is unfair because it doesn’t give submissive partners enough credit.
OMG, if you don’t get that you haven’t got a single fucking clue what D/S (or Cg/L, or S&M, or B&D or the other power-exchange kinks) are about at all!
Unlike victims of abuse and violence Submissives actively engage and participate. They initiate! They don’t just cooperate they often actively critique, negotiate, recommend, and reject their partner’s Dominance.
In the real world, Subs cultivate and coach their Doms as often as Doms train and develop their Subs.
The point is that bottoming kinks are their own affirmative kinks pursued by active, autonomous agents. Submission ≠ subordination. Dominance ≠ superiority! And kink relationships are real relationships!
Again, if you don’t understand that fundamental truth then you’re not a Dom you’re a vanilla asshole who likes to push your partners around. If you don’t get that you’re not a Sub you’re codependent, or a doormat, or both. And if you don’t understand that tops and bottoms are partners the way pitchers and batters are partner you’re not going to understand D/S or any of the power-exchange kinks.
Final note: I’m not making a “no true Scotsman” argument here. There are plenty of self-styled “doms” and “subs” who are just loud vanilla players. And too many of us let them get away with it. This is a particular problem for subs because, for better or worse, there aren’t enough good Doms to go around! This creates a structural advantage for wannabes, users, and legit abusers to slip through the cracks. And cause real havoc.
But! Until everybody understands that Doms and Subs are equal, autonomous partners and that D/S is a kink dynamic and not a gender dynamic there will continue to be giant cracks where the assholes will continue to slip through.
I’m a gay male who just came across your blog, and oh boy have I came. Reading what you write, I get hot and flustered because the idea of being someone’s boy (even girl) is an absolute turn on. Lately, I’ve begun to capture my own femininity and understand its roots, in spite of working through the burdensome guilt and shame. Have others in their footsteps like me come/written to you before as well? Thanks.
Thank you for your kind words! I’ve never had a gay man send a serious ask but I’m glad you checked in. I haven’t mentioned it for maybe too long, but while I always use the shorthand D/Lg because I’m a hetero Daddy, there’s a whole universe of possibilities under the general heading of Cg/L (Caregiver/Little.) And that’s really important because being an adult Little is a kink, not an age or gender or sex or orientation.
Tumblr’s made it so much harder to search for kinks, but before the big stink last December it was pretty easy to find D/Lb (regular Daddies) and DD/Lb (Daddy Dom) blogs and posts. And M/Lg, M/Lb, and all the poly, trans, non-binary, and even asexual/non-sexual Cg/L.
I’m sorry I didn’t keep track back when track could be kept. I’d be happy to send you links. But since I was a bit of an entitled pooter I’m going to have to ask my followers if they know of any great blogs or other gay and pan Daddy or Lb bloggers. And while I usually don’t encourage it, in this case It’s ok for followers who have D/Lg and other Cg/L blogs to self-promote too. (Positive and supportive resources only though, please. It’s ok if you just reblog industrial porn but it’s not very helpful when someone’s trying to explore and discover newfound kinks.)
Thank you so much for asking. I was so, so happy when I discovered my own Daddy kink. Going to wish you lots and lots of luck exploring your Little kink too.
Making friends on tumblr is weird. It’s like “Hi, I don’t know where you’re from but I know your kinks and exactly how depressed you were last Tuesday.”
“I don’t know your name but I know how many dicks you’ve sucked and seen your asshole, you said you were feeling sad so I wanted to check in on you”
Yeah, but that’s still what it’s all about. Doesn’t matter what you post, there are people behind personal blogs. Even the naughty ones. Maybe especially the naughty ones, because we can say things here we can’t tell our friends!
Me and my Daddy switch between Daddy and Brat and Master and Slave. This causes us alot of problems in our local BDSM community because people think we don’t have a solid power exchange role. I’m not a little but I am a brat, a service submissive, and in general I am the sub in our relationship ALWAYS. Daddy is always my Dom and I guess my question is, what do you think about this comment? I don’t see how were any lesser because we switch up our dynamic. I am a sub 24/7 in one way or another!
Anon,
Seems pretty closed minded to me. There are lot of people who vary their role within D/s. Not everyone does it the same way and that’s okay. :)
Evie
Wait. What? Maybe they’re all the kind of people who only play one kind of cards, like bridge snobs or 5-card-draw poker players who think people who play anything else is doon-it rong?
I dunno. Maybe they’re the kind of folks who get anxious around real bisexuals because they feel everyone should be gay or straight?
More likely there’s some sort of behind the scenes clique snit going on in the community and you’re not fitting into one “team” or another.
Regardless, their discomfort isn’t your responsibility.
More sadly, that kind of “welcome” has a lot to do with why most people in kink don’t join “communities.” There’s so much to be said about good communities but they’re not all good.
So in age-play there’s “Little,” and then there’s “Middle,” right? So… what’s the next step after Middle?
Because that’s where my heart and, um, other parts seem to keep circling.
Where play runs along the lines of
- Being home from college with a Daddy (not home from elementary or even high-school)
- Horrible day at work and needing a little retreat with a Daddy.
- So busy taking care of everyone else and just wants to be taken care of.
- Wanting that feeling of being a Daddy’s girl – not literally little and not literally your father’s little girl.
- Discipline when you need or deserve it, but from someone who wants you to succeed, not fail.
- Someone who’ll help you stretch your boundaries, catch you if you fall, and encourage you to reach again.
So not “little” Little. Not “middle” Little. More like… “adult in the world who still wants to remember being the apple of someone’s eye” Little.
In the alphabet soup of dd/lg, cg/l, d/s, littles, middles, etc., what should I really be looking for?
Update: myfantasytoreality mentions looking for a dd/bg relationship. Would the bg be for big girl?
Update #2: Looks like bg is short for babygirl. I don’t think that means actual baby. (Have I mentioned I’m really new to the terminology?) My education proceeds…
CALLING ALL LITTLES AND CAREGIVERS????
Reblog this for a cute compliment in your inbox!
❄️☃????❄️⛄️????❄️⛄️????❄️⛄️????❄️⛄️????❄️⛄️????
Following up on my earlier post about who I’m following and why.
The more inclusive term I was looking for is Caregiver/Little, cg/l, sometimes cgl, and… yeah, lot of variations on that. Caregiver’s a great term. I’m unlikely to use it for myself, because for me “caregiver” is a little to close to “dad,” and as I mentioned here I’m trying to move away from that. But it’s always in the back of my mind – there’s a hell of a lot more to being a Daddy than being a “Dom.”