Posts Tagged ‘d/lg community’
There seems to be a common mischaracterization of d/s relationships: that dominance is active, submission is passive, dominance is doing, submission is being done to. And, if your frame of reference were primarily porn or erotic fiction, it would be easy to reach that conclusion. How many feminist objections to d/s are based in this type of thinking? It may also be at the root of common questions like “How do I get my SO to be more dominant?”
This mischaracterization of the d/s dynamic is unfair because it doesn’t give submissive partners enough credit. From where I sit, submission doesn’t look like a passive pursuit. It looks like real work. Submissives choose their role, and they choose to work at it at least as hard as their dominant partners. And then…they make themselves physically and emotionally vulnerable. They trust. Amazing. You aren’t foolish or weak. You deserve to be proud of the relationship that you build everyday.
tl;dr…Thanks for doing what you do. It is noticed and appreciated.
Oh, and pretty picture. Love the dress. Love the curls.
I am a lucky girl.
This is roughly the mindset
@cynicaldom comes from when he corrects me from saying he leads, I follow to he leads, I support.
UGH! This!!!
To clear the air for a moment it’s not surprising that there are (non-kink) feminist objections to the way D/S is represented in popular culture. There’s no doubt that D/S porn and erotica (including Tumblr) has a big problem with gender representation. In the real world there are huge numbers of women who are Doms and men who are (non-”sissy” and non-”forced-feminization!”) Subs.
You’d never know it from porn and erotica but Dominance and Submission are kinks not genders! Until that totally fucked-up notion gets straightened out feminists (and misogynists!) are going to keep having the same fundamental misunderstanding.
But more importantly…
This mischaracterization of the d/s dynamic is unfair because it doesn’t give submissive partners enough credit.
OMG, if you don’t get that you haven’t got a single fucking clue what D/S (or Cg/L, or S&M, or B&D or the other power-exchange kinks) are about at all!
Unlike victims of abuse and violence Submissives actively engage and participate. They initiate! They don’t just cooperate they often actively critique, negotiate, recommend, and reject their partner’s Dominance.
In the real world, Subs cultivate and coach their Doms as often as Doms train and develop their Subs.
The point is that bottoming kinks are their own affirmative kinks pursued by active, autonomous agents. Submission ≠ subordination. Dominance ≠ superiority! And kink relationships are real relationships!
Again, if you don’t understand that fundamental truth then you’re not a Dom you’re a vanilla asshole who likes to push your partners around. If you don’t get that you’re not a Sub you’re codependent, or a doormat, or both. And if you don’t understand that tops and bottoms are partners the way pitchers and batters are partner you’re not going to understand D/S or any of the power-exchange kinks.
Final note: I’m not making a “no true Scotsman” argument here. There are plenty of self-styled “doms” and “subs” who are just loud vanilla players. And too many of us let them get away with it. This is a particular problem for subs because, for better or worse, there aren’t enough good Doms to go around! This creates a structural advantage for wannabes, users, and legit abusers to slip through the cracks. And cause real havoc.
But! Until everybody understands that Doms and Subs are equal, autonomous partners and that D/S is a kink dynamic and not a gender dynamic there will continue to be giant cracks where the assholes will continue to slip through.
I cant seem to get around the concept that DDlg is just sexualization of children. People turned on by acting like kids. Looking like kids. How is this any better than pedophilia? At least one is being honest about what it is.
You’re missing one very important point here: DDlg takes place between consenting adults. Also be aware that Littles are a broad spectrum; not all of them “act like kids” or “look like kids.” Little run the gamut from those who enjoy a paci to those who enjoy climbing inside a blanket fort with a jar of PB and a spoon to those whose Littleness consists of little more than curling up with a Disney movie after a hard day at work. Educate yourself, and lose your misconceptions.
This is sort of like saying Furries are just sexualizing bestiality though. Or that the cliché vanilla combination of tuxedos and “French maid” lingerie sexualizes sexual exploitation of domestic servants.
Before some time in the 1960’s it was widely held by psychologists, law enforcement, and clergy that men who sought fellatio from women were “latent homosexuals.” Same with rear-entry “doggie style” vaginal intercourse! These acts resembled what (authorities believed) gay men did, therefore it was secretly gay behavior.
Instead Caregiver/Littles in general and sexual DD/Lg in particular adopt and emulate a familiar power dynamic familiar to… well… everybody who wasn’t born at age 21.
One could argue as Shulamuth Firestone did in Dialectics of Sex that the socially condoned custodial dynamics between all adults and all children is illegitimate and should be abolished.
One could argue that all forms of erotic power-exchange should be abolished because each in some way emulate some form of coercive exploitation.
One could even argue with, I guess, some small justification that regressing Littles in Cg/L represent adult colonization of childhood the way Marie Antoinetta colonized milkmaids.
But one would be mistaken to say Cg/L in general or DD/Lg in particular represent or endorse pedophiles.
Making friends on tumblr is weird. It’s like “Hi, I don’t know where you’re from but I know your kinks and exactly how depressed you were last Tuesday.”
“I don’t know your name but I know how many dicks you’ve sucked and seen your asshole, you said you were feeling sad so I wanted to check in on you”
Yeah, but that’s still what it’s all about. Doesn’t matter what you post, there are people behind personal blogs. Even the naughty ones. Maybe especially the naughty ones, because we can say things here we can’t tell our friends!