By Thomas Oldenough | December 1, 2019 | Comments Off on how come no one wants to be my daddy? Will you be my daddy?
Sometimes it can seem like nobody wants us, can’t it? And sometimes we can blame it on our particular kinks or orientations, professions or income, health or heritage, age or experiences.
It’s hard enough for vanilla people to find a perfect match, even though most other people are vanilla too. There are just so many conditions that affect compatibility, aren’t there? And so it’s even harder when on top of basic compatibility you need to find someone whose kink is compatible with yours as well.
But sooner or later we all find someone. Like most people though you’ll likely find the Daddy you’ve been looking for. Most likely when you least expect it.
One of the nicest things about D/Lg is that it’s 100% natural and normal for a Little to take the initiative to cheer up or comfort their Daddy, in a way that might not seem appropriate in a more pure DD/Lg or D/S relationship.
Just like it’s 100% natural for a Daddy to try and cheer up a mopey Little!
I’d just like to add that this is one of those places where it’s totally fucking wonderful that in age-play relationships everyone’s an actual adult. Because adults are developmentally able to understand that it’s not their fault when a grownup is upset, angry, or sad.
Actual children have a very hard time with this… which is just one of the 118,000 reasons why adults and minors having romantic relationships, let alone sexual ones, is a bad idea and not just illegal, unethical, stupid, and wrong.
By Thomas Oldenough | October 3, 2019 | Comments Off on its fuckingdisturbing that you want to treat women like children. immaturity is not sexy and you are vile for thinking so
Thank you for your comment. You feel I treat adult women as if they were children. It’s your position that immaturity is vile and that if I think it’s sexy I’m a vile person. Does that sound right?
Technically I want to treat competent, capable adult kinky partners the way they enjoy being treated during kinky activities. But if you don’t see the distinction it could certainly be vile and disgusting. I agree completely that if I didn’t see the difference either then I really would be a vile person!
It would be even worse if I wanted to treat all women (or men, actually) like children, wouldn’t it? And there are plenty of people in the world who think exactly that way. One of the tough things about having kinks is that they tend to be pretty transgressive, and very often reflect actions or behaviors that when sincerely believed and especially when advocated as social, legal, or religious are pretty fucking disturbing.
Luckily for all of us I’m not interested in child partners (eww), or adult partners who are immature (yikes), nor do I think all prospective partners are or should be child-like.
Also luckily the psychologists, artists, business owners, college students, emergency responders, single parents, athletes, and other adults who’ve flirted with or dated me since I started this Cg/L or D/Lg Daddy blog would be less than impressed if they thought I imagined were childlike or immature. Nor would they be impressed with anyone who leveled that accusation against them… as you’ll likely discover if you drop similar accusations in their inboxes.
I don’t know if you feel reassured by my answer but please believe me when I say I appreciate your concern. Best of luck in your own relationships, kinky or otherwise.
I dont think this is headed in the direction you think it is. We see this phrase and relate it to the submissive mind, words given by Doms to their submissives. They are powerful tools in helping us to “gird our loins”, so to speak. They are instrumental in helping us to stand strong in the face of our fears, to encourage us in areas in which we need bolstering. They are a comfort to us at times when life tries to drag us under. They are a powerful reminder of who we are, apart from what the world sees, and to whom we belong. I can attest to their power in my own life. Daily affirmations are the most powerful and versatile tool a Dom has to help his submissive, in my opinion. We all would agree with their importance. But….what about Doms? That’s the question that keeps circling around in my mind. I’ve asked my friends in the community if they give their Doms words to say or my Dom friends if they’ve been given them by their submissives. I’ve never seen anyone write about it. The ones I’ve spoken with havent experienced it, on either side of the slash. Why not? I understand the guidance part. A Dom is the one who leads and guides and cares for the submissive. Our words are part of that. Doms experience low times too, though. Doms get overwhelmed and anxious and swallowed up in the challenges they face, as well. I’ve read endless posts of Doms dealing with work and family stress, medical issues, feelings of failure, and depression. Don’t they need and deserve words from their subs, of encouragement? I look at my words as a love letter from my Dom. His words to me carry me through those tough times, they remind me of His love for me, that He’s always thinking of me. I think Doms deserve those words, too. Words from us. Special words to them that remind them of who THEY are. Words that remind THEM that they’ve got this, they can do it. Words that remind THEM of who they belong to. Words that they can carry with them and hear whenever and wherever THEY need them. Love letters. To THEM. ❤
09/27/19
This! Doms and Daddies aren’t magic. We’re flesh and blood and hormones too. It’s a quirk in our natures that we gain strength and fulfillment from taking responsibility. But we’re still human.
I’m going to declare that the measure of a good Dom is how well he or she or they raise their Sub’s confidence and self-awareness not just by deeds but words. But whatever our dynamics together Subs and Littles and other bottoms are our equal, autonomous, and powerful relationship partners. And do your word of affirmation mean the world to us. We only need to learn to hear them.
Feel sorry for the folks who can’t see that Littles have their own autonomous kink that’s independent of any partner. Having agency, they can and do act to initiate D/Lg interaction rather than simply responding to their partner’s initiative.
Feel sorry for the folks who can’t see that Littles have their own autonomous kink that’s independent of any partner. Having agency, they can and do act to initiate D/Lg interaction rather than simply responding to their partner’s initiative.
Dominance is not about control over a submissive. Dominance is about leading and the submissive following. These words have been said thousands of times by thousands of people. I suspect it will continue to be said for many years to come.
Submissives do not seek people to control them. They seek a leader that proves time and time again that they are qualified to follow.
Mistakes happen. Wrong decisions are made. It’s how you handle those decisions that make you reliable and trustworthy.
Once again… Ding
Always re blog this
So nicely said. It’s also not the case that “the Sub has the power.” It’s that in a real kink relationship you want to be there. Otherwise you can walk away same as a Dom can.
Not all Doms or Daddies get this. Not all Subs or Littles do either.
But it’s essential to real D/S and D/Lg. We’re both actively fulfilling our respective roles or it’s just abuse or codependence.
Dominance is leading as in ballroom dancing. In meta conversation as when off the dance floor we’re just us.
By Thomas Oldenough | September 8, 2019 | Comments Off on Help! I need a dom/daddy, but how can I find one or identify one organically? I mean, in real life not online through apps. I’m in my early 20’s and am tired of dating apps or other internet forms. I really want to meet someone naturally that’s also into kink. Any suggestions or signs to look out for? Besides attending kink events/munches. And how can I convey my non-vanilla preferences? Thanks!
Thank you for asking (three times though? Maybe Tumblr’s just glitching.)
Sadly I’m afraid I can’t help much, except in the most general terms.
PLEASE NOTE: the next section is not specifically aimed at you, it’s just a general observation – I’m sure you were just trying to be concise in your ask. The next section does, however, reflect an observation I’ve made when a number of Littles have contacted me.
I’ve met most of the Littles I know because they’ve messaged me to say not just “hi” or “will you be my daddy” but something specific about a post I’ve written, or with a question I can answer.
In other words (and here’s the important part of my answer) they’ve approached me as a human being and not just a “Daddy” or “Dom.”
Ok. So.
What would you say if someone posted a personal ad that said “I need a wife?” Or “I need a boyfriend?”
That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to say when you’re posting an ad for a plumber: you’ve got a leaky pipe and you don’t really care who can fix it as long as they can fix it. You want to hire a plumber for what they can do, not who they are.
Saying “I need a dom/daddy” or “I need a sub/little” probably isn’t going to get you very credible replies. Just as a plumber will answer because they want to fix pipes and don’t much care whose pipes they do it to, someone who’d reply to “I need a dom/daddy” just wants to… lay a different kind of pipe and don’t particularly care whose it is.
Not what most of us are looking for in a relationship. Most Daddies and most Doms don’t just want to be with people instead of things for partners, they want to be treated as people and not things as well.
—
As for non-munch/non-kink-community real-life events places to meet prospective experienced Doms or Daddies? I’m sorry but my suggestions would probably be no better than random chance.
I allow comments on my posts and I’ll invite others to either say something there or repost with better answers on their blogs. if I see something promising I’ll update this post with their suggestions.
Thanks so much for asking and I’m sorry I can’t be more help. It’s an important question and a big source of frustration and a lot of Littles would love to know the answer. Best of luck, ok?
Comments Off on Help! I need a dom/daddy, but how can I find one or identify one organically? I mean, in real life not online through apps. I’m in my early 20’s and am tired of dating apps or other internet forms. I really want to meet someone naturally that’s also into kink. Any suggestions or signs to look out for? Besides attending kink events/munches. And how can I convey my non-vanilla preferences? Thanks!
