To be honest.. if more children were shown from birth that they are loved, cared for, and listened no matter their gender we might not have some of the problems we have now.
Parents: Aloof disdain! Shun! Distance!
Also Parents: Why doesn’t my child talk to me?
And this is what I did with my real-life children. Several times a day, sometimes when they were pre-schoolers, maybe only once or twice a year by high-school age. But it was my way of saying this is important, I know you’re scared or hurting, it’s going to be alright.
They’ve turned out pretty well. And they call me to tell me not just about their sorrows and heartaches but their triumphs and achievements.
The main thing about parenting actual children, as well as being a Dom or Daddy with adult partners, is to be aware of why you’re doing what you do and who you’re doing it for. Because, yes, it’s awesome if you get something out of it too, but your responsibility for either straight up caregiving or kinky Caregiving is to do your best to make sure your children, or partners, are healthy, happy, confident, and independent. That’s not the same thing as “helicoptering.” It’s more like “what’s the appropriate response in this situation.” Sometimes it’s letting them figure it out for themselves, sometimes lending a hand, but always it’s about letting them be them and not yours.
Acknowledge your little and Little ones, don’t praise them. Acknowledge them, don’t berate them. A good dad, or Daddy, understands that it’s their world, not the other way around. Let them share it with you.
By Thomas Oldenough | September 7, 2019 | Comments Off on Extra steps – an in-depth introspection on being a D/Lg Daddy
“All you ‘daddies’ talk a lot of bullshit but you still don’t actually answer the question. For example, you can say “I’m not attracted to kids, I just like girls in short skirts and pigtails” or “I’m not a pedophile, I just get off to innocence” but you never take that extra step and ask why you’re attracted to those things and it says a lot about you as a person if you’re not willing to take that extra step.” — Anonymous ask
Thank you for asking. You presume that I haven’t “taken that extra step” and “asked myself why.”
I’m going to blame Tumblr’s recent content restrictions but as I said in one of my earliest posts my original intention was to explore D/Lg, a kink I’d known nothing about and, like you, had associated with veiled pedophilia.
If you’re the same person who’s been flooding me with attempts to get me to adopt your definition then you’ll be disappointed to learn that I was introduced to D/Lg by a long-term partner who identified as a Submissive and a Little.
My very first girlfriend in high-school asked me to tie her up because she’d read about it in the historical romance novels she liked to read and it turned her on. She was also very turned on by power-exchange relationships between “lords and serving girls” in those novels and wanted me to re-enact those situations with her. Incidentally, she also wanted me to massage her head to toe. And, like a lot of women of all ages, she had a really tough time having orgasms but was very emphatic that I made sure she had them.
I was perfectly fine with most of this. I loved tying her up! I adored massaging her for hour on end. And I’d been turned on by the idea of making someone come since I’d first read about it in a sex manual I’d found in my parent’s room.
Much to her annoyance, I didn’t enjoy ordering her around or making rules. She had a pretty strong personality, was keenly intelligent, and had a bit of a short temper. If you were interested in the dynamics of kink this probably wouldn’t surprise you.
The upshot was that from the beginning of my sex life I’ve always been a) responsive to my partners’ turn-ons and also b) very attracted to being the active party during sex…
But also c) haven’t been interested in or very good at domination with a capital D.
Given the over-the-top ignorance about non-missionary sexuality I spent years believing I was just a shitty or failed Dom.
Then, like I say, I fell in love with a wonderful, beautiful woman who was a) quite a Submissive, b) more Masochistic than I was comfortable with, and c) way more experienced in her kink community than I was. When she first mentioned spending time with a close friend who was a “Little” and boyfriend who was a “Daddy” I was probably put off as much by the idea as you are.
But over the course of a few weeks she told me more and more about her friends’ relationship and slowly came more and more out to me as a Little herself. And she taught me that it wasn’t that while she enjoyed dressing up in outrageous clothes and drawing cute things she never even remotely “regressed” to an age other than her own: a grown woman who just liked cute things. And liked pretending she was shy and innocent even though she was proudly and even gleefully anything but those things. And the more she taught me about being a “Daddy” the more comfortable I was with the idea.
The thing that appealed to me about being a “Daddy” isn’t about having sex with children (because that’s not just immoral or criminal but weird, gross, abusive, damaging, and by-definition non-consensual and therefore not kinky.)
Instead it’s about being dominant without being a Dom. With partners who can be submssive without being Submissives. In most regards it’s as ridiculous and inauthentic as my first girlfriend’s deep Lord/wench fantasies.
And to echo the original question, even in high-school my first girlfriend was able to offer a surprisingly deep critique of the pleasure she took from her darkly inegalitarian erotic fantasies in the bedroom in the context of her passionate commitment to gender equality and feminism. (Something else I learned from her and that has helped shape my philosophy of sex and gender ever since.)
And so, yeah, I’m not attracted to children, and yeah, I enjoy partners who like pretending to be innocent, and yeah, while I’m not a Dom I’m sexually dominant, and after nearly three years I’m confident and comfortable being a non-dominant D/Lg Daddy with adult partners who are D/Lg Littles. And, yeah, I’ve taken that extra step and deeply interrogated my kink. And finally, yeah, having done that, despite quite a lot of previously-shared misunderstanding and prejudice I’m confident and comfortable with my kink as well.
By Thomas Oldenough | September 7, 2019 | Comments Off on Why do you want to even pretend to have sex with a child?
Thank you for asking that question but why, exactly, would I even want to pretend to have sex with a child?
So. Little 101 on D/Lg here for newcomers. Answers #9 and #10 will surprise you.
1) Just like a little kid doesn’t become an adult when they play “dress up” in grownup clothes, grown-ass adults don’t become children when they play “dress up” in cute outfits.
2) Anyone who thinks you can mistake an adult human being’s body with that of a small child or even a teenager has never been a parent or cared for an actual child.
3) Ditto for anyone who thinks an adult human being with a Little kink really thinks, acts, or has the same motivations, emotions, or degrees of interaction.
4) This one’s actually really important: most Littles aren’t don’t “regress” to childhood, or suck on lollipops or pacifiers, wear diapers, or talk baby talk. Yeah, there are some and they might be the most visible or most easily caricatured. But as with most stereotypes they don’t represent most Littles. Whether it makes it any “better” for the anon is an open question, but far more Littles are more of a “come home to Daddy” attitude. In other words most Littles “regress” to… adulthood!
5) Similarly, most Daddies aren’t into Littles who “regress” to childhood.
6) Shorter #4 & #5: most Littles see themselves as adults, not children; most Daddies are attracted to Littles who see themselves and are adults.
7) And not to be a total disappointment for your lurid stereotyping, but among those Littles who do regress, most of them are non-sexual when they’re in “Little space” and quite a few “24/7″ Littles aren’t sexual at all!
8) Shorter #7: Most D/Lg sex isn’t “pretending to be a child having sex” or “pretending to have sex with a child” at all.
9) Speaking of which, nice way to erase the agency of adult Littles. Given the relative distribution of “Daddies” to “Littles” you might want to go fine one of the thousands and thousands of Little blogs and ask “Why do you even want to pretend to be a child having sex?”
10) You’ll seriously have to go ask a Little that question, not least because I’d be an asshole if I tried to ascribe anyone else’s motivations, wouldn’t I? With any luck one of them will be generous and give you a considerate, well thought out answer.
11) That doesn’t mean that in practice Littles and Daddies (or other CareGiver types because Littles aren’t only drawn to Daddies) don’t roleplay tropes and cliches of age play. And if you’re triggered by age play I can see how that would bother you, the same way that many other roleplaying games can bother people when it cuts to close to home for them.
Thank you for asking the question. Everyone in their right mind should be vigilant for and critical of anything that would encourage sexual interaction with non-adults. Yes, it’s criminal to do so, and yes it’s also morally and ethically wrong, and yes in neither legal nor cognitive terms is it possible for a minor to give consent. But more importantly, when adults have sex with minors it almost always fucks up the minor’s ability to have meaningful sexual and romantic relationships for the rest of their lives. Ted Bundy notoriously asked “what’s the life of one girl out of billions” and the only possible answer was “infinitely more than yours, you fucking monster.” Same’s true of any adult who imagines there’s “no harm” in having sex with minors.
Always going to tip my hat to awesome older dads. As i always told my children (they’d roll their eyes and repeat it now) “Be careful doesn’t mean don’t do it; it means be careful!”
They’re really not two different types of dads. Dads can be both of these kinds of dad.
And since this is a D/Lg Daddy blog, I’ll just add that an older, experienced Daddy isn’t one kind of Daddy either. He’s in it with you, not at or on or to you.
Tip for folks who don’t understand D/Lg Littles: Of course you’re a capable adult woman who can take care of yourself! That’s why it’s so hot when you have a partner who’ll whisper things like “here, let me do it, Angel, you’re too small….”
Exactly THIS ☝️☝️☝️
I’m a very dominant personality in every other aspect of my life. Totally submitting everything to another person is intoxicating. I enjoy the Daddy/Little dynamic because I don’t HAVE to be in charge or make decisions. I TRUST that Daddy knows whats best for me. 😊 Couple that with a man that likes to be in charge and it’s pure heaven.
Big tip of the hat for the other side of the equation from @daddysxlittlexbabybear. D/Lg is about recapturing the feeling of caring or being cared for, not (ugh!) actually being a father or their child.
[Aside: honestly, having raised two children of my own, and having been raised by two perfectly ordinary parents, I can say with considerable authority that nobody’s more categorically unarousing than a person you had to drag out of bed and get off to school 180 days a year for 13+ years counting preschool. nor can I imagine someone feeling sexaayyy around someone who badgered them to get their science project posters done, room cleaned, eat their vegetables, and “no, you can’t have a dog, you’re allergic” every year for 18 years.]
By Thomas Oldenough | June 16, 2019 | Comments Off on Doing anything special father’s day?
Thank you! I’m having an awesome Father’s day. My daughter took me out for dim sum and I’ll be having dinner with my son and his girlfriend this evening.
I miss having them around all the time but it’s still awesome getting to still be in their lives… while not being in their lives!)
Plus, no longer having to be a full-time dad to my biological children gives me a little more time to someday be Daddy to, with, and for the right Little…
By Thomas Oldenough | May 28, 2019 | Comments Off on I always imagine my daddy and rough friends using me like a meat. Passing me on, commenting on how far I am, spanking me, making fun of me…. Is there anything wrong with me? If you are my father would you do that to me?
On having something wrong with you: There’s nothing wrong with sexual imagining. Our fantasies are our own, and for some we can only thank goodness… and sometimes simple physics, anatomy, and biology that they can’t happen in real life. The clearest example of this is “vore” kink, an evidently very satisfying though also impossible erotic fantasy of consuming a lover whole, or else being consumed by one’s lover.
In sexual fantasies, as in our dreams and nightmares, we can imagine all manner of activities, and partners, that would be impossible, awkward, unfortunate, or awful in real life. If they bother you you can seek advice from a therapist, who almost certainly will have heard “worse,” no matter how unique one feels.
On the difference between Daddies and fathers. If I was your father I’d no more have sex with you and share you with friends than I’d really cook you and eat you. Family relationships, even distant or dysfunctional ones, are too important to fuck up with sex. A kinky D/Lg or DD/Lg Daddy, though, is not the same thing as a father, at all, at all. As with any other kind of sexual or kink relationship a Daddy isn’t related to their LIttle. And of course D/Lg being a kink, all partners are of an age where they can legally, competently consent.
Between consenting adults it’s possible to negotiate a kinky relationship that satisfies your imagined scenario of being treated roughly and passed by a “custodial male.” A caring partner will accommodate their partner’s fantasies as best, as safely, and as responsibly as possible. This may include really hurting them and really sharing them with others… but it can instead include roleplaying and subterfuge that leaves you safe, cared for, and above all, satisfied. Because in the end a kink relationship is a relationship! And relationship partners seek their partner’s satisfaction as well as their own.
Good question! And best of luck finding a Daddy who’ll satisfy your perfectly normal and not all that uncommon fantasy! (Really, yours is a fantasy that’s perfectly normal and relatively common.)
Comments Off on I always imagine my daddy and rough friends using me like a meat. Passing me on, commenting on how far I am, spanking me, making fun of me…. Is there anything wrong with me? If you are my father would you do that to me?
By Thomas Oldenough | May 13, 2019 | Comments Off on That was pretty hostile!
Well that was pretty hostile! Anyone else in the D/Lg / Cg/L community been getting harassing messages from this @barn-burner character?
I’m sure it would be embarrassing to answer questions from the Justice Department but all things considered, including maybe 15-20% of my posts here, it’s unlikely they’d do more than that.
Tbh if they really had my contact info they could have called the local police they get pretty aggressive about child abuse and rightly so.
But really, D/Lg is a kink that consenting adults get into. You kind of have to be adults or it’s not a kink it’s, you know, criminal.
But just like people who play with handcuffs don’t really want to do kidnapping for real, and just like people who dress up in leather pants and French Maid outfits don’t really want to be pirates, D/Lg kinksters don’t want to be underaged and sure as hell don’t want to be related. Because eww.
But this sort of thing goes both ways. Pretty sure it’s a federal crime to threaten or stalk people online. And it certainly violates even Tumblr @staff policy as terms of service. So I’m gonna report then.
If they’ve harassed you you should report them too. Well unless you really do engage in child abuse or incest, in which case I’d report you myself.
