fucked up that we don’t make belts with loops for holding blades or pouches for storing coins and dried herbs anymore
Hmm. Why would anybody think a plain old belt was sexier than one with built-in pouches and pockets and sheathes and holsters with auxiliary thigh straps, cuddlebug? I mean, all a D/Lg Daddy can do with a regular belt is double it in his big strong hand… 😏
(Don’t get me wrong! As a former professional journeyman leatherworker those other kinds of belts are so much fun to make, and they really are good for carrying swords or hammers or coins or dried herbs! But take it from an expert: plain old Daddy belts are just soo much better for spanking naughty Little elves and minxes, aren’t they?)
This, actually. I’m a very earnest kinky Daddy. I’ll cheerfully fuck your freshly spanked ass without loosening my grip on the belt around your throat, and then solemnly stay up all night helping you prep for a big presentation in the morning, make you breakfast, and mean it when I say, from the bottom of my heart, “go get em, tiger.”
It’s little things like when I take my belt off while just changing pants and I turn around and there you are all bent over.
When folks get that Masochism and Submission are their own, independent kinks it’s a lot harder to mistake D/S or S&M for abuse.
Because it’s not always about consent, is it? No, consent is just the bare minimum requirement. An older, experienced gentleman waits till he knows you’re hungry for it. Because only a total toolbag would do it if you weren’t.
See the way he’s using his belt to control rather than strangle his partner? Surprised? Please don’t be! This is an excellent way to play D/S games with a belt.
Between cop shows and hard-core porn we’re sort of conditioned to believe “belt around the neck” equals “attempted strangulation.”
Don’t get me wrong here. If you know what you’re doing erotic choking can be awesome for the person being choked. But the top really does need to know what they’re doing and, more important, the top needs to be seriously in control of themselves.
But!
As with many other elements of sex, and kink, even BDSM kink, a huge amount of the benefit comes from a sense of gained or surrendered control.
I’m not going to say “don’t use a belt to choke your sweetie,” though I will say “be really fucking careful if you use a belt to choke your sweetie.” Instead I’m going to say “try control first.”
Ok, ok, I’ll also say “be sure to protect your/their neck” as well, because you only want people to feel the good kind of sore the next day.
Submission is it’s own, independent kink and therefore Submissives actively seek what they want. What outsiders don’t get about bottoms in kink is that what they want may or may not be more deep or intense than what their tops want.
For better or worse (mostly worse) our notions of D/S, D/Lg, S&M, and other power-exchange kinks in BDSM are bound up with our notions about traditional/historical gender: men are ravening horndogs, women are demure, innocent angels. Men are violent and prone to abuse, women are dependent and often victimized.
It’s so baked into the dominant paradigm that we automatically assign things women do to facilitate their sexuality (things like kneeling, raising their bottoms when face down, parting their legs, enjoying ass impact, receiving penetration) with cultural gestures of subordination, subjugation, and degradation.
(Aside: next time someone tells you we don’t need feminism or LGBT activism ask yourself why “cocksucker” is still commonly hurled and received as a “fighting words” insult. But I digress…)
While kink is certainly subject to its own gender problems (in the 21st Century why the fuck does anyone use “Domme” or, bleah, “dominatrix” for Doms that happen to be women?) it’s just not the case that Dominance or Submission kinks are intrinsically gendered. Nor is it the case that all Dominants are all-knowing and all demanding and that Submission is a passive kink or that Submissives have no interests or agenda of their own.
I was already a top when I was too young to understand what sex was. When I say I’m not a capital-D Dom, or a non-Dom Daddy I don’t mean I’m not physically dominant during sex. (Heh, no.) I can be a very enthusiastic Sadist with a partner who’s a cheerful Masochist. I don’t happen to have that common urge to push people’s boundaries or limits – never thought “oh boy, I bet my partner would really hate it if I tried doing XYZ, so I want to do XYZ to them.”
But!
But as a result I’ve had a number of Submissive, Little, and Masochistic partners hint or outright ask for more. And oh boy is that an awesome feeling!
But I’ve also had quite a few partners who’s pushed for more than I’m comfortable with. At least initially. And some who’ve asked for or even demanded things that are simply hard limits for me.
Early on, when I was still thoroughly indoctrinated to the notion that Doms initiate and Subs merely receive, I pushed myself past my hard limits. Or struggled to get ahead of my submissive or masochistic partner’s ardent desire for humiliation, pain, or exhibitionism. It simply didn’t occur to me that I was automatically in charge by virtue of my sex (male) or role (Dominant/Daddy/Sadist) and so it never occurred to me that I could say no!
Fortunately that rarely happens, and even better, once I got over the stupid conceit that as a top, and as a man, my needs and kinks always exceeded those of my women partners in kink, I’ve been able to respect and accommodate not only my partner’s limits and boundaries but my own.
But also consequently I’m no longer surprised to find a partner waiting for me, already soaking wet, on her knees with a belt in her mouth. Did I expect it? No. Did I initiate it? No, Submission is its own kink and so it’s not surprising when Submissives initiate. Do I know what to do? Oh yeah, Daddy knows exactly what to do with a naughty puppy with a belt in her mouth, doesn’t he, cinnamonstick?
An older, experienced top understands there’s more than one use for a belt. Not everyone who want to feel dominated enjoys pain, do they? No, they don’t. And neither do you, puppy.
