Nope. Real men never use the phrase “real men.” It’s like how smart people don’t have to say they’re smart.
AHAHAHAH!!!! “Real” men! AHAHAHAH!!!!
Yeah, “real man” = “slavishly cut away all the parts other ‘real men’ cut away.”
My favorite story about masculinity, from an old pre-toxic-masculinity (and also pre-animal-rights) men’s author.
So a Spanish matador had had a spectacular victory in the bull ring. Afterwards all his friends and fellow matadors joined him at his place for a night of drinking and dining.
After the dinner the great matador put on an apron and started washing dishes. “Oh Matador, his friend said, do you think washing dishes is masculine?”
The great matador threw up his hands and roared “EVERYTHING I do is masculine!”
And you want to know something? Goddamn right!
If you’re a man, however you choose to define “man,” then by definition everything you do is “masculine.”
The whole “real man” business is strictly about anxiety, conformity, timidity, insecurity.
Whether you wrestle women and fuck bears or skip to work carrying a purse, if you’re a man you’re a real man, period, full stop.
Me? I know where your clitoris is. I care if you’re a PhD or CEO because good for you! Fun, flirtatious, fit, and friendly? Great! Everybody should be those things, not just women. And… wait a second… “chaste?” What does that have to do with anything?!?!? Because, yeah, “real men” don’t want you to want to have sex with us either, I guess… which I suppose makes them either gay men, asexual men, or incels – all of which are, you know, still men.
Fucking gender is such an idiotic social construct!
Submission is it’s own, independent kink and therefore Submissives actively seek what they want. What outsiders don’t get about bottoms in kink is that what they want may or may not be more deep or intense than what their tops want.
For better or worse (mostly worse) our notions of D/S, D/Lg, S&M, and other power-exchange kinks in BDSM are bound up with our notions about traditional/historical gender: men are ravening horndogs, women are demure, innocent angels. Men are violent and prone to abuse, women are dependent and often victimized.
It’s so baked into the dominant paradigm that we automatically assign things women do to facilitate their sexuality (things like kneeling, raising their bottoms when face down, parting their legs, enjoying ass impact, receiving penetration) with cultural gestures of subordination, subjugation, and degradation.
(Aside: next time someone tells you we don’t need feminism or LGBT activism ask yourself why “cocksucker” is still commonly hurled and received as a “fighting words” insult. But I digress…)
While kink is certainly subject to its own gender problems (in the 21st Century why the fuck does anyone use “Domme” or, bleah, “dominatrix” for Doms that happen to be women?) it’s just not the case that Dominance or Submission kinks are intrinsically gendered. Nor is it the case that all Dominants are all-knowing and all demanding and that Submission is a passive kink or that Submissives have no interests or agenda of their own.
I was already a top when I was too young to understand what sex was. When I say I’m not a capital-D Dom, or a non-Dom Daddy I don’t mean I’m not physically dominant during sex. (Heh, no.) I can be a very enthusiastic Sadist with a partner who’s a cheerful Masochist. I don’t happen to have that common urge to push people’s boundaries or limits – never thought “oh boy, I bet my partner would really hate it if I tried doing XYZ, so I want to do XYZ to them.”
But!
But as a result I’ve had a number of Submissive, Little, and Masochistic partners hint or outright ask for more. And oh boy is that an awesome feeling!
But I’ve also had quite a few partners who’s pushed for more than I’m comfortable with. At least initially. And some who’ve asked for or even demanded things that are simply hard limits for me.
Early on, when I was still thoroughly indoctrinated to the notion that Doms initiate and Subs merely receive, I pushed myself past my hard limits. Or struggled to get ahead of my submissive or masochistic partner’s ardent desire for humiliation, pain, or exhibitionism. It simply didn’t occur to me that I was automatically in charge by virtue of my sex (male) or role (Dominant/Daddy/Sadist) and so it never occurred to me that I could say no!
Fortunately that rarely happens, and even better, once I got over the stupid conceit that as a top, and as a man, my needs and kinks always exceeded those of my women partners in kink, I’ve been able to respect and accommodate not only my partner’s limits and boundaries but my own.
But also consequently I’m no longer surprised to find a partner waiting for me, already soaking wet, on her knees with a belt in her mouth. Did I expect it? No. Did I initiate it? No, Submission is its own kink and so it’s not surprising when Submissives initiate. Do I know what to do? Oh yeah, Daddy knows exactly what to do with a naughty puppy with a belt in her mouth, doesn’t he, cinnamonstick?
By Thomas Oldenough | May 25, 2019 | Comments Off on If you can survive me when I haven’t shaved lately…
If you can survive me when I haven’t shaved lately what makes you think I’d mind if you haven’t?
Feel free to shame anybody who promises to spank you, choke you, and fuck your ass… but then runs away because a little stubble on your legs or pussy might give him a rash.
Super important concept in… well… lots of arenas. But two big ones come to mind for this blog
Overall differences between sexes/genders
Overall differences between vanilla and kink relationships
Doesn’t mean there aren’t differences – the graph on the left shows clear and distinct differences! They’re just not as big or as significant as the stereotype-reinforcing graph on the right.
By Thomas Oldenough | October 17, 2018 | Comments Off on She wears my t-shirts to bed but…
Ahahaha! Worth remembering that it’s not just other men who police masculinity.
I think the issue for the disconnect between women wearing men’s clothes and men wearing women’s is that society continues to regard women as too passive to have fetishes or kinks. Similarly, it considers men’s clothes to be all about functionality and women’s clothes to be all about femininity.
I’ve worn women’s underwear a couple of times, mostly to see what all the fuss is about. It’s rarely been well received.
Just by looking it’s not always obvious who’s in charge and who’s submitting. Most women Subs and Littles I know go down on their partners. Every woman Dom I know has… gone down on their partners. I’m sure others don’t. Just based on what individual people have told me.
Going down on your partners is actually pretty independent of Dominance or Submission, isn’t it, bunnyfart?
And speaking of getting over stupid stereotypes, notice anything different about this totally vanilla, hetero/cis, PIV intercourse fucking? You shouldn’t.
Sure, she’s fucking the hell out of his cock isn’t she instead of the other way around? She’s totally owning his cock. Taking him, as the old timers used to say, like Sherman took Atlanta!
And it’s “unconventional” in terms of heteronormative stereotypes. But it’s obviously as much “like nature intended” as any other way two heteros can fuck each other, isn’t it?
Bet it feels fucking fantastic too. For both of them!
Bingo! Just as girls are raised to believe in a “beauty myth” (that if you’re not pretty enough you’ll never find love) boys are raised with a corresponding “worthiness” myth (that if you’re not smarter, stronger, older, or richer you’ll never find love.)
That whole stupid “alpha/beta” business? The whole “cuckolding” thing the red-pill crew fetishizes? They’ve got all the reasons worked out. But they’re just as totally fucking wrong as, say, Sex and the City’s Samantha or Carrie were wrong that all that stood between you and “twoo luv” was to find the right goddamn pair of Jimmy Choo shoes.
A man loves a woman because he loves her. A woman loves a man because she loves him. All the rest? The stories? The “reasons?” The myth that if you had a million bucks you could “have any girl you wanted?” That if you just “lost that last five pounds” Mister Big would finally notice?
Yeah, that’s not how it works.
Big hats off to gameraboy for posting it, and a big thank you to scarletluvscas for posting it where I could find it. I love, love, love this comic.
