You don’t have to love polka dots, stickers, and claiming Skittles candy is a food group to be a D/Lg Little, do you, thimble? Sometimes it’s just about those irresistible urges to hump like a little animal in front of an older, experienced Daddy.
Great advice, definitely worth remembering for the future.
But for this particular relationship, I’d say don’t bother giving him a second chance. Just break things off now – he’s already demonstrated he’s not a D-type as far as I’m concerned.
You don’t have to send anyone nudes you don’t want to.
You don’t have to show anything to anyone you don’t want to.
You never have to send nudes.
So, now that that’s out of the way: A d-type doesn’t declare rules like some god-chosen omnipotent emperor on his throne. Rules are a negotiation and they’re agreed upon by both parties. He doesn’t have “his rules” the two of you have “your rules”.
He can want to create a rule about nudes, you can discuss said rule, and you can agree to said rule if you want to. Or you can tell him nudes are a limit you’re not ready to break and that’s that.
If you’ve told him that nudes are a limit and he continues to pressure you into giving him some knuckle thunder then he’s not respecting you, your relationship or the d/s dynamic.
You need to sit down and have a meta-talk with him. Explain you’re uncomfortable with nudes, explain they’re a limit that you’re not willing to move past right now (or ever if that’s your choice), explain his pressuring makes you uncomfortable. If he can’t respect that and stop the pressure immediately, then he’s no d-type.
He keeps telling me it’s his rule to send him full nudes and I have to obey.
Yeah, maybe he’s young and inexperienced, but he’s also pushy and selfish, and clearly interested in putting his desires for immediate gratification over your comfort and boundaries.
There are plenty of guys out there who pretend to be doms, because they think they’ll get easy access to titillation and sex, without having to bother with all that tedious treating other people with respect. He strikes me very strongly as one of those.
It’s not your job to teach him to be a better person. If you leave him, and tell him why, maybe he’ll learn better for the next person. But he’s very unlikely to change behaviour with you – he’ll just keep at it till he faces real consequences.
General ummutable rule for Submissives: kink is supposed to make you happy. For that matter sex is supposed to make you happy whether you’re kinky or not! And so if something doesn’t make you feel happy, fulfilled, or generally satisfied then a partner asking you to do it doesn’t make it magically ok.
If it turns you on to be asked for naked selfies? If it makes you excited? Gets your creative juices flowing, or just gets your juices flowing period? Awesome! Go for it! Hope your partner asks every time!
But if it doesn’t? Also awesome! Negotiate the hell out of it or draw the line entirely.
Another way to put that immutable law: whatever your role in kink, you’re still an autonomous and equal member of your relationships.
It’s not just your Dom who needs to get that. You need to get that too. Really. I promise!
D/S, D/Lg, S&M, B&D, even plain old vanilla sex works better… lots better… when everyone remembers that you’re in it for each other, yes, but you’re also there for yourself.
And look. This isn’t about “topping from the bottom!. No matter how Submissive you are, if someone visits your home you still tell them things like they need to take short showers because there’s not much hot water, that you keep the doors closed so the cat won’t get out, and that the bottom step is wobbly, right? That’s not “domination” that’s courtesy! It’s responsibility! It’s saying “you’ll need to keep these things in mind.”
You’ll warn them that putting their bags against the baseboard heaters could burn their stuff and fill the place with smoke, right?
It’s the same thing in D/S.
“If you ask me for nudes it’ll burn our relationship” is also an ok thing to say. For the same reason! Expressing one’s boundaries and limits isn’t just responsible, it’s courteous!
Kinky Daddies and Littles kiss allllmost like vanilla couples, don’t we, cutiepuff?
What a sweet question! And you’re welcome about my last answer too.
Readers may remember that cock warming (as defined by Urban Dictionary, for instance, means…
The act of a man slipping his erection into his partner’s vagina or ass in order to keep warm – a more intimate version of spooning.
eg. “Jake held Jenny close for a bit of cock warming before they fell asleep.”
You may also remember the nerdy tidbit that it seems to be popular with fans (and fanfic writers) of Korean K-pop.
If you ask me I’m going to say that while one can cock-warm someone with their mouth I prefer the term cock nursing. As in…
“Meanwhile, under his desk Jenny softly cock nursed Jake while he did important Daddy spreadsheet things on his computer.”
Thanks for asking! Let me know whether you think cock nursing is different from cockwarming. (I think either way it’s a wonderful feeling.)
What a fun question! Thanks for asking! Cockwarming (or cock-warming, or cock warming) is essentially intercourse with a penis without moving. There are sometimes D/S or exhibitionist overtones but it can also be 100% vanilla.
For instance, in vanilla terms it can just be “spooning plus” where two people cuddle or fall asleep while connected.
As exhibitionism or risk-taking it can be surreptitiously sitting on a man’s cock at a party, an event, or, say, at the beach.
As D/S it can be a form of service, discipline, or denial where one or both of you perform unrelated activities after penetration, with various rewards or consequences for losing control and starting to move and/or losing arousal.
That bit about losing arousal is actually pretty realistic. While we hear about perfectly motionless intercourse lasting for hours in, say, stories about “tantric” sex, most people need at least a little bit of ongoing stimulation to stay hard or wet. The good news is that it’s often the thought that counts.
Finally, hmmm… as I usually do I did a couple of quick searches to see if there was anything I was missing and the answer was yes! Unfortunately, Google’s Ngram service only goes through 2008 and records no hits in the last 200 years, so it’s a pretty new term. The first use I could find on Google was from Etsy, which offered novelty knitted or crocheted penis cozies sometime after 2012. According to Google it first showed up with its current meaning on the Urban Dictionary in early 2014. (Yes, I am such a nerd!)
But!!! One reason it might have noticed seeing it more often might be because the term seems to have been picked up recently in Korean k-pop lyrics and fan-fic. There are a ton of references and/or images of k-pop stars associated with the use of the term.
So there you go! Totally nerdy Daddy-splaining answer that was fun to research. Thanks so much for asking!
But p.s. It’s also awfully fun to do… and while it might be super hard to stay completely still it’s awfully fun to cheat, whether it’s with slow, sleepy wriggles while spooning, or mischevious grinding squeezes and shifting while lap sitting. A perfect way to start or end a sleepy, lazy Sunday morning, hmm?
u ever get jealous over something u have no right to be jealous over so u just sit there like… ok
Ahahaha! Oh boy, does anybody not?
It’s the best worst feeling in the world?
Even poly people get jealous when they know they don’t need to be. It’s one of the ways feelings give zero fucks about thoughts! So we sit there going “this is sooo dumb…” while eating our livers till our shoes don’t fit on our feet!
The good news is that if we can’t prevent feelings like jealousy we can’t reason with them like grownups but we can acknowledge them then distract them like little kids.
Instead of telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel jealous (Ahahah, like that ever works!) we can say “yes, I feel really bad that my bestie has a new sweetie and won’t come over. If they did i could give them a big hug and we could play that game we talked about so much. But they do have a new sweetie, don’t they? So we’ll have to with a little and they’ll come play that game with us. So let’s call [Pat] and see if they want to do something.”
Acknowledge, sympathize, speak to the loss, accept it, *then* try moving on to plan B. Feelings won’t really go away till you admit and accept them.
Note: sometimes you’ll have to rinse and repeat. But it gets better each time.