Part One // Two
A few years ago, I came across the term demisexual and wrote about how it made a lot of sense to me. How it seemed to give me answers I didn’t know I needed. Finally, some of the struggling I’d had with trying to figure out how I felt about someone and the frustration that came with being confused and unsure why…made sense. Other people didn’t talk about being unsure of how they felt about people. The way they spoke about their experiences with other people (either emotionally or sexually) and how sure they felt about those feelings towards other people just…seemed so second nature to them.
I couldn’t relate.
Demisexual gave me a bit more clarity. It gave me a word and a definition to explain why my feelings felt so unclear, why I would feel so selfish about the fear that would arise with every. single. person I met and who, inevitably, would express sexual or romantic interest in me before I felt the same.
I can’t say I know for sure that I believe 100% that I’m demisexual. It could be something else. I’m not sure. But, for now, it’s a place holder that helps me make sense of the way I feel and stop beating myself up for not having things figured out right away. It gives me a way to articulate this panic-stricken process more clearly to those I connect with (instead of an anxiety-fueled ramble).
But it didn’t seem to explain everything. I didn’t realize this, of course, until I stumbled across a chart outlining the different types of attraction. And after getting past the initial, familiar reaction of ugh, another chart with definitions and labels to memorize? I realized this, too, helped make sense of a lot of my experiences.
Back on my old blog I spent a lot of time trying to unerase asexuality. It’s so much better understood and represented not (hat tip to Millennials, yet again!)
People used to outright freak out about it. Just rejected the possibility, we’re sure it was all about repression, abuse, illness, hormone imbalances… anything as all except, you know, just not being that into sex.
Ugh. And the gotchas were pretty intense. Like, do you masturbate? Aha! Did you ever kiss someone! Fraud! Ever fall in love? How could you do that to somebody?!?!
I like this infographic because it so nicely explains the different degrees of asexuality. Would have come in handy back in the day.