The Truth About Kinky Women

toodomforyou:

mrzeitgeist:

This was written in response to a FetLife post. The poster was wondering why no one was responding to his profile or his entreaties to be invited to parties.

You want to meet a girl that you can explore your kinky side with. That’s wonderful.

Let me ask you something:

  • Do you have a match.com or OK Cupid a profile that says “I’m a guy. I’m looking for a girl. If you’re a girl or know a girl, would you send her to me please?”
  • Suppose you’re into stamp collecting. Do you go into stamp-collecting forums and say “I’m a guy who thinks he may like stamp collecting, and I’m looking for a girl to fuck and teach me about stamp collecting.”?
  • Do you see a girl at Starbucks drinking coffee and say “Hey, I like coffee, too. Wanna fuck?”

Every time you post on here asking for people to “help you out,” that’s exactly what you’re doing.

You seem to think that just because a woman is into getting tied up, beaten, and fucked in the ass, she’s somehow different from a “normal” woman. You seem to think that just because a woman likes to have sex, talk about sex, and sometimes be naked in front of people, she should want to do that with you, without knowing anything at all about you except that you like women to get naked in front of you.

Submissives aren’t submissive to everyone

You’ll hear submissives say “I’m submissive, but I’m not your submissive.” No matter how many times you’ve read The Story of O, there is no chateau full of submissive women who are available on demand to anyone who wants to use them.

Kinky women are not whores

Some kinky women may like it when their partner calls them “whore,” but they’re not sex workers. They’re not in the business of making sex of any sort available to all comers. (And contrary to popular belief, there is not a rule that actual sex workers have to accept whoever is willing to pay them.)

Kinky women are not easy

Some kinky women have multiple partners. Some women will do some sort of limited play with people they just met. As a rule most women will not get intimate with a guy they know nothing about. Kinky women are no different.

Kinky women are not objects

Sure, some women like being objectified, to be used as furniture, ashtrays, fuck toys, even toilets. But you know what? The women who like that trust the people who do that to them, Do you know why they trust them? Because they know them as people. They have connected as human beings before they connected as kinksters.

Kinky women have feelings

Do some kinky women want to be humiliated, degraded, hurt, and used? Absolutely. This may be hard to understand, but while they may want all those things, they want them in a supportive, trusting, and caring environment. You call my girlfriend a bitch, she’ll kick your balls. I call her a bitch, and she melts in my arms. See the difference?

A very good post to keep in mind.

-SD

I love, love, love mrzeitgeist’s point.  Got a thoroughly humiliating personal story to help drive home the point.

Ok.  So.  Driving around town running errands with a roommate’s cousin.  Her cousin was in class, she was bored, asked to come along.  I said sure!  After yakking about the usual things she brings up the subject of sex.  Started out pretty low key but after about an hour we’d gotten pretty fucking explicit about our likes and dislikes, what we’d done, what we fantasized about.  

Pulling into yet another parking lot (hardware store I think)  I said “so what do you want to do?”  She’d been sort of steamily smoldering quietly for a while and I’d been wondering if she wanted to come in to the store or wait in the car.

She puts her feet up on the dashboard, pushes her wrists between her legs, and looking up at the sky through the windshield she said in a clear, intense voice “I. Just. Want. To get.  Fucked.”

Um.  Don’t ask me how I know this but it turns out she didn’t mean she just wanted to get fucked by me.  Hadn’t even occurred to her!  She wasn’t rude about it.  And on reflection she honestly hadn’t been “teasing” me.  The conversation had wound both of us up considerably.

But in retrospect I was out of line for mistaking her clearly stated horniness for interest in doing anything about it.

Point being that, yeah, just because someone goes to a sex club, or posts naked selfies on the internet, or as in my case starts grinding themselves right next to you while ?  That’s just not the same thing as agreeing to have sex with whoever else is there, whoever else sees your selfies, whoever might be sitting right next to them!

“I’m here for sex” just isn’t the same as “I’m here for sex with anybody,” let alone “I’m here for sex with you.”  

You know how someone wants to have sex with you?  No matter how much they appear to be “signaling?”  They tell you.  Or you ask and they confirm it.  

Otherwise?  Yeah.  They might not.